Remember to always wash your hands, stay home if you have flu-like symptoms, and whenever possible, abstain from un-protected sexual intercourse with porcine partners.
Super Bowl Fever is gone, March Madness is over but April swine flu fever is now spreading throughout the world. This dreadful disease has to be stopped dead in its tracks by at least calling it something else.
At a news briefing, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack took pains to repeatedly refer to the flu as the "H1N1 virus."
The "H1N1 Influenza Type A Virus" is the actual correct, but hard to remember, name for the current swine flu epidemic sweeping throughout the news media.
Israel has already rejected the name swine flu, and opted to call it "Mexico flu." Jewish dietary laws forbid the eating of pork. The Muslim world has also joined the cause and came up with their own suggestion to call it "Netanyahu flu".
The CDC has now decided to conduct a contest to give this dreadful disease a more appropriate name in the US. They will be using the newly adopted name in their news conferences keeping the anxious public updated. Following are some of the sample entries received so far:
Additional entries should be forwarded to the White House attention of Joe Biden, Vice President of the United States. He will evaluate them for further consideration by a panel of judges appointed by the President.
Perez Hilton, Tom Vilsack and Janet Napolitano have tentatively been picked by President Barack Obama to judge this contest to decide the winning entry.
Timothy Geithner is considering instructing the Treasury Department to take over the pork industry and combines it with the banks and auto industry. The Department of "Babe" is the name tentatively picked for this new government controlled entity. Bill Clinton has shown interest in running this new company and has promised to get us to at least start talking about something or someone else for a while.
