No mistaking it, this is a "long-term asset", and nothing short of it.
Boise, ID.- A college student has received a fair amount of unsolicited attention, after vowing to abstain from having her ass-tapped until marriage.
Claire Ford, a cheerleader and member of student council at Brinton College, declared publicly that the only man tapping her ass will be the man she exchanges vows with.
“My parents had very high morals, and they told us girls that having our ass-tapped was a sacred event”, she explains. “It’s an act that should only be performed with someone you plan to spend your life with, not just some random guy who works part-time at the local Albertson’s”.
She believes that her strong upbringing, coupled with what she has seen other girls go through, is what led to her decision.
“Every time you let it happen, it’s like you are giving away a little piece of yourself. There’s this one girl at school, Candice Dunner, who I swear has pieces of her spread out from here to Missouri.
It’s kind of sad, really.”
When asked how she was able to abstain from such a common practice throughout the campus, she said it was all about keeping perspective.
“Of course it’s hard, I’m only human. But every time I find myself in a vulnerable situation, I become conscious of the fact that once my ass has been tapped, there’s no going back. I want my future husband to feel honored that I chose him as the one to break in my unspoiled, mint-conditioned rear-end.
I guess it just comes down to the fact that I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Which is why I tell potential boyfriends up front that they won’t be hitting it. That way they don’t feel mislead.”
Her declaration has left some students feeling distraught.
“What can I say, I was in shock”, said Phil Bradley, a fellow student who dated Claire earlier this year.
“I mean, all chicks say stuff like that, but how many of them actually mean it? For some reason she had it in her mind that ass-tapping was something special, something that was only shared between two people who loved each other.
It was like her kick-ass body was in the present, but her mind was back in the olden days.”
Claire maintains that it is a personal preference, and does not judge others for the choices they make. She says that although she feels strongly about the act of ass-tapping, she is still able to lead a relatively normal life at school.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still into vaginal sex, I just think you have to draw the line somewhere, you know? If you don’t stand up for your convictions when you are young, who’s to say you ever will?”
Claire’s parents were unable to be reached for comment.
