Pro-Gunners Disapprove Label “Sandy Hookers”

In an unsurprising turn of events, the pro-gunners like Wayne LaPierre of the NRA have come out publicly to insist they do not like being called “Sandy Hookers”. They have also said they don’t like being called “pro-gunners”.

“Just because we feel the tragic events at Sandy Hook shouldn’t be politicized doesn’t mean you can call us Sandy Hooker,” explained Todd Halford, a Tea Party activist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

RIGHT: A photo taken of some Sandy Hookers. (Click photo to embiggen)

“And for that matter, calling us Sandy Hookers make us sound cheap and dirty, which we aren’t. Do you have any idea how much an AR15 costs?”

Gun Rights advocate and consummate Sandy Hooker Michele Bachmann spoke out against the title, we presume, when she said, “Gun rights conversation America because permanent encroachment disarms fundamental.”

Bachmann’s husband Marcus Bachmann declined an interview, but through a spokesman insisted that guns are “fabulous” and “very hetero”. He’s something of an expert, he would know.

One passerby while we were conducting an interview interjected, “Sandy Hookers? Well that’s just racist right there,” which apparently means something.

“A lot of Sandy Hookers don’t realize how uncomfortable it can be to engage in oral exchanges with them,” said John Justjohn from Newport, Rhode Island. “It’s just painful and nobody comes away satisfied.”

One Sandy Hooker we met with in Washington DC asked, “Wait, did you just call me a sandy hooker? What the hell is that supposed to mean? What’s this for anyway? You don’t have permission to record me!”

Author: Dexter Sinistri

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.

3 thoughts on “Pro-Gunners Disapprove Label “Sandy Hookers”

  1. Obviously there are not yet enough guns, Brian. We need to arm the children. When everyone has a nuclear weapon, we will finally eliminate the problem. And everything else. And isn’t that what the second amendment is about? Eliminating the problem? Wow! What a rush!

  2. Oh lordy MadMac, you called it “victim disarmament”. That’s weak, pathetic and sick. Children are being murdered, what’s your solution?

  3. I don’t support victim disarmament by any means, but I have to admit, this is a pretty damn funny article. It works on so many levels.

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