No. Never. I'd rather go outside and nail my dick to a tree.
A recent Glossy News survey shows men are overwhelmingly more attracted to John Edwards than Hillary Clinton.
Over 500 men were shown pictures of John Edwards, Democratic nominee for President, and Senator Hillary Clinton, and were asked who they would rather have intercourse with. Edwards won by a 5 to 1 margin.
“I’m no faggot,” says Cecill Johnson of Homston, Alabama, “but if I had to choose, I’d definitely mount Edwards first. Hell, after looking at Edwards picture for a while, I even got a chub on,” said Mr. Johnson, pointing to a growing bulge in his pants. Indeed, the most common comment from the men was that Edwards “looked more like a girl” than Clinton.
After Mrs. Clinton got word of the results of this study, she decided to kill Edwards because she believes he's the only candidate prettier than her, and will pose a threat in a possible 2008 presidential nomination run. Not taking any chances, she has hired professional assassins to fix the problem.
“Hillary wanted us to tie him down, cover his face with a meat-cheese-peanut butter-type mixture, then have rats eat his face off, but that was just Hillary’s usual “wishful thinking’,” said Jack Miller, an assassin who has worked for Hillary before. “I had to tone her down a bit to more practical ideas; she gets so excited when were about to kill someone and her fantasies go a little over the top.”
Miller said they eventually decided to “Foster” him. “We decided the ‘apparent suicide’ routine is the best way to go. We leak a little media information that he's a loser, maybe a homo...works really well.”
A couple dozen margaritas, some dim lighting and a sultry "Go ahead...try it", and you're thinking, "Yeah...it's time I entered politics."
However, Glossy News did another survey indicating that 3 out of 5 men would rather have intercourse with Edwards’ rat-eaten corpse than Senator Clinton. Insiders say that this means Edwards could run as a corpse candidate and still beat the former First Lady.
Miller said, “The only way out of this is to get a video of Edwards having intercourse with Hillary. I mean, how could you look up to a man who had sex with THAT?”
Former President Bill Clinton, when asked to comment, said, “Miller's right. I couldn’t stand it more than once, and that’s how we got Chelsea. I was really stoned, by the way."
When asked about the night Chelsea was conceived, Bill Clinton said, “It was difficult, but I kept my eyes closed and I thought of John Edwards the whole time. He's prettier than most of the mutts I've banged.”
