"Studio Spin-Doctors Really Pulling the Wool Over on Viewers." "Everyone Loves Raymond" is one of the television shows that networks dream about. It is a comedy that is a perennial Emmy nominee for Best Comedy Series without having something most hit comedies need to survive more than six episodes: humor.
Apparently the same writers that come up with pseudo-jokes on the show are the people responsible for coining the title of the show. Maybe these hacks have the word "Everyone" confused with another word or phrase; possibly "Some People", "A Few People", "Ray's Parents", or the oft-mistaken antonym "No One".
We decided to ask around to see who else doesn't "Love Raymond". Both of my friends concurred that though they have watched the show, they could not categorize their feelings as "love". Emboldened by my early success, I conducted a poll to find out if the trend is nationwide. I began to randomly dial numbers, posing the following question to the poll subjects: Would you consider your feelings towards Ray Romano, the title character of the show "Everyone Loves Raymond", to be "love"? Here are some of the responses.
Paula from Pittsburgh, PA: "I've never heard of that show, I only watch BET. I love that Usher though. He's so sexy! And that digital girl from Cita's World in no way makes me want to hunt down the person that green lighted that show and push them in front of a garbage truck."
Jim from Wallingford, CT: "I can't stand that fucking guy. The only time I put that show on is when I have insomnia, that monotony puts me right to sleep. I love Raymond about as much as I love hemorrhoids or a re-occurring case of the clap... um, not that I've had either one."
Juanita from Foxboro, MA: "He's all right, I guess. I wouldn't say I love him. Tolerate would be a better word. If I want to laugh, I put on Friends. That's the only show I watch regularly. Or I read Glossy News" (I swear I did not make this up).
Joel from College Park, MD: I firmly believe that Ray Romano is the Anti-Christ. Howard the Duck made me laugh more than that guy does, and I launched a campaign against that shitty movie. Hell, I'd rather watch Leonard Part 6 on eternal replay than one episode of that show. It should be called "Everyone Wishes Raymond a Slow Death!"
Every query that I made was met with the same, indifferent to bitter response to the show. Only one person had kind things to say about Ray, though further questioning revealed the delusional woman was Romano's wife, Anne. Her comments included, "We have a nice car," and "He isn't around enough to beat me anymore."
Obviously I'm not alone in my opinion that Raymond is not the object of affection his show makes him out to be. In more exciting news, I also found out that it's unbelievably easy to get people to give you their credit card information over the phone, but I'm out of space in this column, so unfortunately that will have to wait for a later date. Just remember, dear readers, just because something's on TV, that doesn't make it true.
