ZING! Here's yer happy 9-11 right back on dat ass, byotch!
Greg Graman was severely beaten in front of Firehouse 306 in New York today when he walked by a large group of fire fighters and yelled “Hey guys, Happy Nine-Eleven Day”!
“I didn’t know what the hell happened," he explained to reporters this morning, when the tube was finally removed from his throat. "I was walking along and saw a group of fire-fighters standing outside the firehouse, and I wanted to show my appreciation like everyone else. Suddenly they all come after me like I'm Bin-Fucking-Laden! They beat me to a pulp, then gave me a fire-hose enema! I guess I said the wrong thing, but, it IS a holiday, isn’t it?”
The situation didn't improve for Greg. “There was a big crowd, and everybody was cheering them on. Then the cops showed up, and I was very glad they did, UNTIL the fire department guys told them what I'd said. Then the cops said were going to ‘King' me, as in Rodney King. The baton is gonna be removed later today, as soon as the proctologist shows up. Last thing I remember is a Rudy Guilliani poster being smashed on my head.”
Graman’s injuries included 23 broken bones, a concussion, several lacerations, and one embedded police baton in an otherwise debris-free colon..
The official NYPD Police report states that Gramman was “found in front of Firehouse 306, shoving a fire-hose up his own rectum, then beating himself to the point of unconsciousness.”
The fight against terrorism takes many forms. From trained professionals to the average citizen, remember: We'll flush those fuckers out with any means necessary.
“I tried to press charges, but there are no witnesses coming forward, and the DA won’t listen to my complaint. They called me “Water Boy”, “Squirt”, and "New Faithful", whatever that means. I've decided to let it go.“
Greg shared his future plans to make it up to the city workers he insulted. “I noticed lot of the guys were black, so I thought I’d bring down a bunch of chicken and watermelon on April 4th, so I could wish them a ‘Happy Martin Luther King Got Shot Day’.“ That should make up for my stupid behavior.”
