Wayb'lowdabelt, VA —BobZaguy In an exclusive interview with this reporter, both Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity agreed to answer my questions about the dysfunctional Republican party and what became a kick-ass defeat for the McCain/Palin campaign on November 4.
Limbaugh and Hannity say they have officially resigned from the GOP ranks and will convene their new political party, the CCCP or Central Conservative Cigar Party.
They feel that the election was lost, and lost big-time, because all the lobbyists on the GOP payroll strayed from the true conservative creed — outsource government, stop taxing the rich, send the f-ing immigrants home — then rally the new troops and put Gingrich and Wasilla Barbie in the White House in 2012.
"After all," said Sean Hannity, "at the end of the day, its the conservative core ideas that work. Ignore the issues, paint the opposition as Commie pinkos or fags — whichever works, and plunder the hell out of the budget for personal gain." Limbaugh nodded in agreement.
As the most prominent voices of what used to be the alliance of The Old Guard, they were visibly pleased that the election wiped out the last dregs of the GOP's creepy moderates. "Tell Dubya not to let that door knob hit him on the way out," said Rush, as he choked partly from laughing and partly from inhaling his cigar smoke. "Damn, I gotta quit breathin' in when I got this in my mouth." Then he grinned knowingly at Hannity who was playing with the zipper on his corduroys.
"Fuck reform," said Sean. "Who cares that some American voters don't want a party whose main idea is slashing government? Fuck 'em if they think the country has changed. They all think global warming is serious. Who cares about younger voters? Who the hell wants to live on the East or West Coast anyway?"
"I'm glad to be living inland in Florida" said Limbaugh. "Putting your house right on the shore is just to fucking close to those hurricanes anyway. All that water can tear your house apart."
"Besides," continued Limbaugh, "I am tired of all these foreigners like Douthat and Salam and this Ramesh Ponnuru and Yuval Levin, fuck, even that turncoat Peggy Noonan writing all this moderate conservative clap trap anyway. Who do they think they are?"
"So instead of trying to keep the GOP alive, we are here to bury it as deep as possible in the excesses of the East Coast party members." said Hannity. "I am for our new, Central Conservative Party movement of cigar-smoking political right-wing activists, donors, everything. Just like it used to be when Goldwater and Reagan and Buckley were in power. Smoky back rooms full of swilling politicians with cigars as big as your dick. Hell, that's what political power is all about. Big dicked men and cigars."
"We've had enough of these Giuliani, Romney, Bush and McCain types who think they know what's good for us and the country, said Limbaugh lighting up another 12-inch long stogie. Fuck, all they know is how to go to war and muck everything up. That Giuliani asshole, all he can do is wear a dress. Remember what Grover Norquist said about him on Saturday? hehehe – guess that would be telling tales out of school though."
"Hell," continued Hannity, "I want the CCCP to go back to its roots — a small, heroic movement marching bravely from the Heartland into the bellies of those fucking liberal elite bastards. Any asshole who swings away from established doctrine, is fucked. By all the party regulars, man."
"Hey, we're ready for a lot of defeats." said Limbaugh, "But by 2012 we'll be back with new candidates and new ideas. We will begin again. It ain't over yet."
