Major razor manufacturer Gillette and pin and needle maker PrickCo have shown slumping sales, even though Halloween is only days away. Late October usually sees a surge in sales of razors, needles, and other sharp objects.
Above: Magazines like Wired will be running this ad of obvious desperation.
"We've had disappointing sales, to say the least," said PrickCo president Nell Wilhoit. "I guess people who used to place needles and things in candy they give out got bored of it."
Gillette points to the declining number of children who go trick-or-treating as the root of the problem.
"We don’t know for sure why kids aren’t going out for candy," said a spokesman, "but we think it may be out of fear of getting tampered candy. Obviously, that’s not going to be much of a problem this year."
Other theories about the lack of trick-or-treaters include children fear being shot or kids are too busy with pagan rituals. Also, some believe that a contributing factor in the poor sales of sharp objects is the fact that more and more armed children go out for candy.
"Yeah, I used to stick all kinds of shit in the candy I gave out," said Herb Zettl, of Atlanta. "I’d put in blades, needles from used syringes, elephant tranquilizer, whatever. But nowadays you can’t trust those little guys. You turn your back and you may get shot or stabbed. What’s the world coming to, you know?"
"It doesn’t matter what the reasons are," said Wilhoit. "We just need to get kids and psychotics to partake in the timeless traditions of Halloween, for the good of our ancestry."
Gillette responded to the lack of sales by launching a $50 million emergency advertising campaign, urging children to go trick-or-treat Friday night. Some have criticized the ads as being "subliminal" and targeted at people who get fixes from implanting razors in candy bars. Gillette sharply denies all accusations.
