The introduction went well, from there out, however, the relationship was somewhat less than agreeable.
Glossy News is commitment to ongoing research in the field of Skittlebrauology. In the past we have often mixed Skittles with beer, and the results have varied from outright nasty all the way up to damn-near pallatable. To expand our research to the next level, we decided to mix Skittles with other types of alcoholic beverage, in this case, hard alcohol.
For our first foray into Hard Alskahol, we chose the long infamous Goldschlager. It was chosen because it was hypothesized that cinnamon could mix well with candy, and because it's all pretty-like, you know, with like, flakes of gold floating in it and stuff.
We measured a half ounce into each of four glasses, to which was added a single green, red, orange and purple Skittle. This seemed to be the wisest choice, though in retrospect, no choice involved in the execution of this experiment was what one could even remotely call 'wise'.
Reaction was really slow. Like, painfully slow. Like three minutes in and almost nothing. At four minutes we agitated the mixtures, which was only fair on account of the agitation they were causing.
Steeping allowed all the color to escape. The color, it seems, was lucky.
Another three minutes have passed... are these things going to dissolve or what? I'm getting kind of thirsty just waiting.
After a good ten minutes of idle steepery the concoction was finally fit to be tasted... or so we thought.
Red tasted like the vaguest artificial hint of strawberry baptized in an ocean of cinnamon liqueur. By any known measure to mankind, it was a vile miscarriage. Orange, Red and Purple tasted like nothing more than the original very hard beverage… at this point we declared failure and moved towards reinvention.
Mixing it with anything, dear God, anything, was extrememly helpful.
One additional Skittle was added to the remaining alcohol and allowed to steep an additional ten minutes, after which time ginger ale was added, you know, in an attempt to water down the unholiness. That, and without making some change to the recipe, 50% of test subjects tried to escape.
Purple tasted “meh”, which is to say neither here nor there.
Red wasn’t half bad, in fact, it was half good. Fruity with cinnamon, yet intoxicating. What’s not to like?
Orange was pretty okay, and by “pretty” I mean “very” and by “okay” I mean “wretched”. The taste was nothing to be enjoyed but the aftertaste was what was alarmingly gagsome. I’m no chemist or anything, but something went seriously wrong in that beaker. After a good swig of that I was ready to give up research for a career in bulimia.
Green, the limey one, tasted oddly like a cross between 7-Up and Big Red chewing gum. Sounds goofy, and it is, but after tasting the orange one it was a jigger of delight.
A second round found each of the medleys reduced to virtually indistinguishable sweet/nasty blandery. Figuring since they all tasted the same, might as well mix them all together for the finishing off… yep, once again the alcohol impaired my judgment into thinking something was a good idea, when clearly it was not.
Overall I give this mixture, this experiment set, and indeed even this very concept, a one-one star rating. If you’re looking to personally experience alcoholic failure, this disaster may be just your ticket. Be advised, however, it is NOT a round trip journey.
