General Zod, former superpowered escapee from the Phantom Zone, was arrested yesterday and charged with making a lewd proposition to an undercover police officer. According to reports, an undercover policeman observed Zod lurking in an airport men’s room and peeking into stalls. After approaching Zod, the officer claims to have been “solicited by Zod to perform a sex act.”
Zod, who has fallen on hard times since the lost of his superpowers, is currently working as a baggage screener at the same airport. "If there's space, I get to fly stand-by," he said after his release. When asked about the incident, Zod vehemently denied the allegations.
“Looking into stalls? All I was doing was trying to find an empty stall to take a dump! What the fu*k did you expect me to do…use my x-ray vision? Dig a hole to the center of the earth, pinch a loaf and seal the hole over with my heat vision? Don't you assholes watch TV? I'M POWERLESS. Plus, I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.”
When asked to explain the claims that he made a lewd proposition, Zod flew into a rage. “So, I’m standing there in front of an empty stall, OK? And this jerk comes up and thinks he’s going to just cut in front of me. Hell no. I told him right there, ‘You will KNEEL before Zod..and…uh… oh, crap…I’ll bet he took that the wrong way…”
In unrelated news Batman and Robin were observed in the same bathroom stall in a Gotham City park. The pair was released after Batman explained they was simply trying to get his tights out the crack of his ass.
