Outraged parents were banned from attending their children's annual school sports day to protect pupils from potential child abductors and paedophiles.
More than 270 male and female pupils from four primary schools in Smegmashire took part in the St. Sodoms Sports Partnership Athletics Day.
But there were no spectators whatever present at this year’s activities due the education authority organisers pronouncing that allowing them would make it impossible to prevent "unsavoury" characters from attending.
A security review by the Jaws_of_Death.com risk assessment company concluded that the host school, St. Sodom’s College for Latter Day Catamites in Lecherford, could not guarantee the children's safety after receiving reports that members of Portugal’s infamous Tapas Ten kiddie-napping gang were operating in the area.
The gang are rumoured to be responsible for the snatching of an entire Grade 4 egg and spoon race team last year from the private Knobsworths School in neighbouring Twatford-on-the-Wold.
The kidnapped children were reportedly smuggled out of the country to Belgium where they became victims of a Masonic-Zionist Satanic worship cult and ended up as carrion after being slaughtered in accordance with the lunatic dictates of a Vatican-approved New World Order human sacrifice ritual.
Conversely disgruntled parents of the participating schools protested to Pox News that the local branch of Sex-Offenders-R-Us volunteered to send down a couple of their eunuch enforcement officers to man the sports event and scrutinise likely kiddie fiddlers via their hand-held pc’s connected to the main sex offender register data banks.
Bert Scrunt, CEO of the PFI-administered Sex-Offenders, told reporters “We could easily ‘ave policed der sports day wiv our RFID scanners for any micro-chipped dodgy pederast types from perverts anonymous mixin’ wiv der parents and what’ave yer.”
However one member of staff at the St. Sodom’s College who spoke to journalists on conditions of complete anonymity (Ms. Fellatia Mingerot) declared that the Dean had been further concerned by rumours of the sport’s event’s possible infiltration by scallies from the neighbouring Asbo Central College of Advanced Hooliganism bent on disrupting the proceedings by staging a Colombine High School type massacre with automatic weapons and explosive military ordnance, and pillaging the prizes and trophies to finance on of their infamous booze and drug binge sessions.
