Even as I sit waiting, I can smell the fear on them... actually that might be just the smell of fish, but still.
If you've ever seen an aquarium, you've surely seen the signs, heard the adage or experienced the fish-keepers verbal wrath of "don't tap on the glass." I'm almost three-years old, so I already know better than that, but there's a much better way to get the fishes attention, and that's the equally forbidden, but less-well-known concept of pouncing on the glass.
Imagine you're a fish. It isn't easy, but if you really try you can do it. Think about a plastic castle being super interesting. I know for me it's not much of a stretch, and I also like flakes but that's because I swear I'm surrounded by them. Are you in the mindset of a fish yet? Good, let's continue.
You're going about your work-a-day fishy life, still bearing in mind that you are a fish, even though that's more than they're able to understand, and all of the sudden comes a reverberate pounding through every ounce of your being. It's a mammal with the audacity to tap and pound on your entire ecosystem. They want your attention and have failed to recognize that you're not a lapdog, and somehow they think that tapping on the glass is the way to get it.
That's just crazy.
They'll bother you, sure, but they won't really get your attention in the way they want it.
Now forget that you were a fish for about a minute there and go back to being a human, and I mean no disrespect to our readers who enjoy this site translated into sign language for the monkeys. If you want fish to give you a reaction, you'll need to do better than that. Forget about merely tapping on the glass. If you want attention, do as I did, and give the glass a serious pounce.
Here's how it works: You back up, determine your target, then run up to the glass, smack both open palms on it and press your open-mawed face flat against it. If you've thought fish can't experience sheer terror, you've been wrong.
The fish don't just freak out, they freak almost out of the water.
In a scurrious scamper towards an away direction that doesn't exist, the hundred-odd goldfish boil to the back of the tank, some of them just about bouncing out of it altogether. Fair? No. Kind? Not even remotely. Interesting? Oh my yes indeed.
Above - Sitting in wait may be the best way to work the sneak attack. They never see it coming until it's there, and boy is it fun... for me, not so much for them.
There are rules when it comes to observing the behavioral patterns of fish that you do not own, but the only one (aside from not snatching them out of the water with your bare hands) is "do not tap on the glass"… apparently it's some kind of unwritten rule that you're not supposed to pounce on the glass, but I found it out right quick.
If you have any care in the world for what lesser creatures feel, you should never do this. But if you don't, you should do as I've been in trouble for and give those fishies the thrill of their lives as you repeatedly pounce full-faced on the glass with ten-fingers spread wide open. The big hands make you look like a much bigger predator than you are, and the resulting reaction you get from your aquatic friends may warm your heart for many minutes to come.
Also, fish are tasty.
Above - The secret is to come up on the by total surprise, as I did. Just sit back, chill out and let them think everything is fine, then BAM! You're right up on them taking up 20% of their field of vision with a fury reserved for predatory animals that outweigh them by a factor of thousands.
