The most depressing series ever filmed, "Battlestar Galactica," will be going off the air after its current season, making the show's fans even more despondent than usual.
Inspired by supporters of "Jericho" (who sent 50,000 lbs. of peanuts to CBS in protest of that show's cancellation) and "Roswell" (who sent 6,000 bottles of Tabasco sauce to the WB), Galactica fanatics and obsessive-compulsives plan to send Sci Fi Channel several thousand notebooks of self-authored, depressing poetry.
"I only have three creative outlets," complains Ted Milton. "Watching Battlestar Galactica, writing dark depressing poetry, and cutting myself. I intend to write more poetry than ever before and mail it all to the Sci Fi Channel." The following is just one of hundreds of poems Milton plans to send.
Darkness and pain heave themselves
Like pin-headed programming executives
Onto my shoulders, my back, my very soul,
Where emptiness corrupts and darkens all.
There is no joy,
No tears,
Only hollow nothingness
And my Katee Sackhoff screensaver.
"With any luck," says Milton, "we'll depress Sci Fi Channel into reviving the series, which will in turn keep us fans wallowing in our depression, thus completing the circle."
Fellow fanatic Jimmy Koenig shares the same sentiment. "Peanuts and Tabasco sauce are totally mainstream and sappy," he says, burning himself on the forearm with a cigarette. "I can imagine genuinely happy, well-adjusted people really getting off on bourgeois crap like peanuts and Tabasco sauce. But what the world really needs are more shows like 'Battlestar Galactica,' which isn't afraid to show everyone how hopeless, painful and utterly futile life is.
"And it'll be more futile than ever once there's nothing to watch on Friday nights anymore."
