More than 300 of the UK’s elite Scotland Yard ‘Plod Squad’ are suspected of defrauding the taxpayer of billions of pounds by abusing their corporate credit cards – presenting an even worse case of felonious excess than the MP’s expense scandal - according to a report seen by the Daily Shitraker.
Auditors from the independent Scumbag Creative Accounting who have examined the American Excess expenses of 3,500 officers involved in fostering false flag terrorism and organising high profile crimes have reported one in three detectives to the Metropolitan Police's internal investigators.
One senior officer, Superintendent Arthur Corruptioni, appears to have spent £14,000,000 on his Amex card in one year, without authorisation, due going undercover and adopting the guise of an eccentric millionaire.
Items bought without permission include a palace, an Aston Martin coupe, gold lame suits, women's fetish lingerie, an ocean-going yacht and a Betty Boobs personal blow up love mate – the one with real hair and vibrating vagina.
The scale of the suspected fraud, disclosed in an internal Metropolitan Police Authority report, will send shock waves through the force equal to a Level Eight earthquake on the Richter scale.
Until now the investigation into expenses fraud was thought to have focused on fewer than 40 officers – all of whom conveniently died of Manky Mallard duck flu recently.
The report’s release comes days after Met Commissioner Sir Paul Slimeson heard the potentially damaging disclosure that six officers face investigation over claims a drug suspect's head was forced into a lavatory then flushed while they got high on his shipment of premium grade Burmese rhubarb then gave him a jolly good rogering up the back passage.
Metropolitan Police Authority members last night expressed their dismay at the scandal.
London Mayor, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, told Pox News "It beggars belief that our police, who are supposed to be solving crime, are suspected of committing fraud on a grand scale worse than Ponzi scam artist Bernie Jackoff."
Auditors at the Metropolitan Police Authority have spent two years examining receipts from the accounts of more than 3,500 officers. The Amex cards were issued in 2006 to detectives from ‘special operations’ who had been trained to say “Ello, ello, ello – what ‘ave we ‘ere then, eh?” in several languages – including Arabic and Pashtu.
The scheme was then extended to the specialist crime directorate, which was originally formed to counter organised crime and not commit it, as well as conduct sensitive inquiries such as the ongoing “Who’s really Prince Harry’s Dad?” investigation.
The cards were issued for travel and subsistence, so that officers did not have to plead poverty and resort to begging – or muggings - while on long-running investigations away from their Scotland Yard base.
Sources have told the Daily Shitraker that some detectives had fallen into the habit of withdrawing hundreds of pounds at a time from ATM cashpoints then going to a casino for the afternoon. Other officers appear to have filled in blank receipts from Rub n Tug massage parlours to account for millions in cash payments.
One resentful source who missed out on the illicit cornucopia said: "Some of the top plods bought three-piece Harris tweed suits while in the Far East and claimed that they needed them for work. However it doesn’t take much nous to realise that it was 45 degrees in the shade, and not exactly the weather for a waistcoat."
The number of suspected fraudsters will be presented to the Independent Police Coverups Commission at a meeting tomorrow if auditors have enough fingers to reach a total.
Only detectives suspected of overcharging by more than £100,000 have been referred to the DPS. Its investigators are believed to be examining hundreds more files stacked up neatly, right next to the shredder.
Last month, three officers were arrested for allegedly making "inflated" expenses claims while investigating Mossad’s false flag 7th July 2005 London Tube bombings.
They were suspected of misusing corporate credit cards while they were based in Leeds examining the backgrounds (planting incriminating evidence) of the Pakistani pastsies.
