***Dwindling Supply of Non-Cloned Species Threatens Publishing Opportunities, Grants - At the International Symposium of Genetic Engineers today, scientists expressed deep concern at the rapidly dwindling pool of species to clone.
"First, they cloned Dolly the sheep," recalls Marvin Lamont, chief of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s genetic research division. "Then monkeys, then cows, then cats…and it just exploded from there. A group of dedicated, determined scientists cloned just about every species worth cloning."
"Which leaves the rest of us high and dry," he added.
The opportunity to clone a new species is important for the livelihoods of many scientists, whose careers depend on their ability to break new scientific ground and publish original research. "I spent three years trying to clone the striped East Indian catfish," bemoans genetic researcher Carl Bok. "Then, that bastard Aaron Shaw beat me to it. What am I going to put on my resume? That I was the second person to clone the striped East Indian catfish? Where’s that going to get me?"
The cloning issue affects scientists’ personal lives, as well. "It’s one thing to talk to a girl in a bar and tell her you’re a genetic scientist," says John Mosley, researcher at the Colorado Genetics Institute. "It’s quite another to be able to tell her that you were the first person to clone the South American marmoset. They may not know what the fuck a marmoset is, but they’ll be sitting in a warm little puddle by the time you’re done talking about it."
Scientists aknowledge that great strives have been made in cloning. Much of the next generations porn harvest will benefit from the illegal labors of overseas cloning labs.
The quest to clone as many species as possible goes beyond science and into the realm of statistics. "At this point, we’ve pretty much got all the useful knowledge we can from the cloning process," says Lamont. "It’s no longer about scientific advancement. We’re just trying to rack up the numbers."
"For example, take the Bavarian snapping tree frog," Lamont continues. "It reproduces asexually. Basically, it can naturally produce an exact copy of itself. But goddamn if the folks at Carnegie Mellon didn’t go ahead and clone it anyway. They got a $38 million grant to do it, too. And don’t forget the common earthworm. You can ‘clone’ that by taking a knife and cutting it in half. But it’s so much more fun to do it at the cellular level."
Lamont’s remarks highlight a growing concern among genetic scientists: that the few species remaining to be cloned may be useless for scientific purposes, or perhaps even dangerous. "The animal kingdom is pretty much spoken for, so I moved on to trying to clone bacteria," says Marcus Jones, genetic engineer at DupliGene, Inc. "I applied for a grant to clone the anthrax bacteria, but I was denied. Apparently, anthrax can be used as a biowarfare agent."
Jones expressed anger at the federal government’s failure to support the effort. "I hate it when the progress of science is impeded by technicalities."
Still, many scientists are optimistic about the future of the cloning effort. "It’s estimated that only half to a third of the species on earth have even been identified," Mosley remarked at the ISGE symposium. "So it’s up to us to make this happen. We’ve got to send researchers out into the field, locate and classify these unknown species, and immediately clone them. That is our mission."
In conclusion, Mosley added, "We must leave no clone unturned."
