LEFT: "What? Oh, Futurama is on later? Okay, well I guess we don't have to throw it away just yet."
Saw ads for a "child star" search and decided to tune in, you know, check it out. What a mockery on show business this is. All I saw was old people, like five to twelve years of geriatric age.
Now I can't pretend I'm the most traveled journalist in the world, or even on the block. For that matter, I haven't really traveled, but I know the difference between kids and adults. As I get older, it becomes even more clear to me. Kids are people that are littler than yourself, right? So what gives with this?
There's this six-year old girl tap dancing, a nine-year old doing stand up comedy (which I didn't get a word of,) and some seven year old monkey singing I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy. That's great and all, maybe he really is, but I just don't know.
Where's the room for realchildren? Where's the room for young journalists like myself? This isn't a glamorous business perhaps, more of a nine-to-fiver, but I pour my heart into this stuff. Constantly with the photos and the writing.
Please, just turn it off, I can not bear to watch this any more.
I'm not implying that I'm a kid or anything, nor a star, but I'm surely younger than these yodeling yokels. Besides, the ladies at the supermarket checkouts are always saying how cute I am, that has to count for something right?
Don't be fooled by these "so called" children, with their "so called" star talent. And this November, be sure to vote Brendan Alexander for Most Charismatic Infant.*
* Oh, and on my campaign trail I will be shaking hands, and yes, kissing babies.
