Of all the citizens of earth, Dick Cheney was arguably the only one who knew the threat was a farce... yet he still chose to live underground. Fans and critics alike have asked, "WFT???"
WASHINGTON DC - In a rare governmental move, the self-made non-executive Vice President and his wife were summarily evicted from their government-supported residence at the US Naval Observatory in Washington, DC today.
When Cheney claimed last week that his office is not part of the executive branch, wheels in the GAO began to spin. Officials there said, referring to the "Plum book" - a directory of office phone numbers/addresses in the government, that Cheney's statement would "automatically erase him from the listing." Anyone erased by the government is expected not to return to visibility, according to a Presidential Signing Order, which oddly seems to have been requested by Cheney when he claimed he was still Vice President in the executive branch.
Since 1974, Number One Observatory Circle, a house situated in the grounds of the observatory has been the official residence of the Vice President of the United States. The observatory's primary mission was to care for the United States Navy's chronometers, charts, and navigational equipment. It calibrated Navy ships' chronometers by timing the transit of stars across the meridian.
When the presiding Admiral of the Observatory was asked about the Observatory's mission and its relation to the resident of the house, he said "leaving a non-executive branch person in charge of the transit of stars across the meridian during the night would be a definite national security threat. Therefore, we sadly had to evict Dick and Lynn. They were damn good tenants, too."
As the US Senate has no legislative housing at its disposal, the former executive branch VP and his wife have been listed with several local real estate agents to quickly find an apartment in or around the city. They of course could stay in their new Delaware mansion, but governmental non-executives also lose their car privileges as well. He wouldn't be able get back and forth to wherever his office may be when no more armored limos, 5 police motorcycle escorts and SUVs are available.
An additional unwanted event happened just this morning when the GAO ceased Cheney's use of the executive "undisclosed location" bunker. The only temporary home left to the Cheneys, who value their executive-like perks of the office, finds them doing sleepovers in Air Force 2. That lease expires tomorrow and Trump wants his plane back.
