There she is, Miss Kira Reed in all her fine, fine glory... well, maybe not quite ALL of it.
This week I had the unusual pleasure of watching the new DVD of Cheerleader Ninjas, a tale of Cheerleaders battling Catholic Schoolgirls sure to warm your heart and/or other parts as well.
It was an amazing combination of overacting, underacting and nonacting mixed in with titties and gay jokes of a frequency too high to even warrant a tame word like "gratuitous". Don't be put off by it though, there's plenty to offend and delight in this film even for those who love chode gobblin' ass marauders.
I didn't stop watching the movie there, so you're not about to stop reading here. Before you start thinking I didn't like it, I feel inclined to point out that I totally dig hot chicks who can't act. Know why? Because they're hot. Acting ability is a crutch for ugly girls. If they were actually hot they would be doing porn, wouldn't they?
Speaking of porn, I think it's imperitive at this point I mention that the talented actress Kira Reed appears in this film, bringing all her talents she's famous for. Her genius delivery of such lines as "oh, our boobies are kissing" is sure to win her honors, if not respect.
School girls or cheerleaders. man, I just never know who to root for... except maybe that chick to the far right. Damn!
I didn't mind the Waterworld quality continuity so much, I think because I was too distracted by my constant expectation that at any minute it would erupt into hardcore porn. My expectations were totally wrong, since what erupted instead was more like softcore porn. T, A, and heck, even an instance of Man A, but it was fleeting.
Plots are costly and have no place in films such as this. As the movie goes on the acting and dialoge became more and more tiresome. Fortunately, director Kevin Campbell seems to feel our pain, so the decency and amount left to the imagination degrade a bit as well.
The characters are all parodies of mockeries of stand up comic style impressions of stereotypes. From the geeks who super-geek it up drinking William Shatner beer and praising their own masturbation skills, to the right wing wacko mothers who want to stop all internet porn, to... well, to the cheerleader ninjas them(hot ass)selves.
While the pan-shots are sub par, the pot-shots remain uber par throughout. It's also chocked full of havarti the likes of which my buddies used to partake. The metaphorical kind, of course. The acting is terrible, the quality really wavers, and overall it's an absolute must watch.
The only thing missing was an ultra-swanky soundtrack. Regardless, I give it 4 stars... that's one for each nipple, for those of you keeping score at home.
If girls getting hosed down and putting a Kung Fu style whippin' on down doesn't at least get your motor going a bit, this movie may be admittedly a bit beyond you.
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