Top Stories
Administration to Pre-empt Iran by Nuke Israel First
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| "Bomb Israel ourselves, you say. It's crazy enough it just might work," says a relaxing Obama. |
Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward has released another transcript of a recent White House strategy session, this one devoted to the looming Iran-Israel confrontation.
"My source," Woodward said, "whom I refer to cryptically in my upcoming book as 'Hillary,' allowed me to listen to the tape, and the exchange below is accurately represented":
My source, Woodward said, "whom I refer to cryptically in my upcoming book as 'Hillary,' allowed me to listen to the tape, and the exchange below is accurately represented":
Jul 4, 2009, 10:14
IRS Roosts on Top Spot of "Hugest Cocks" List
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| Photo from America, but tax agencies are largely regarded in the same light the world over. |
The IRD (New Zealand's IRS department) are vying to return to the top spot of New Zealand biggest arseholes. After being bumped from the long running number 1 spot, by money grabbing banks and horny politicians, the Inland Revenue Department is now going to new lengths to prove to New Zealand that they truly are pure evil, demanding that you now hand over your first born in-lieu of back taxes.
Inland Revenue is employing rare and barely used historic techniques to squeeze more money out of peoples back pockets. One technique involves holding you upside by your ankles and shaking you until all your money has fallen from your pockets.
Jul 4, 2009, 02:02
Michael Jackson, The King of Freaks, death finally starting to look interesting.
The general public are breathing a collective sigh of relief, as facts emerge following Michael Jackson's death, showing that his death was not as normal as first thought. Initially, it seemed the King of Freaks had died from a normal, run of the mill, heart attack induced by stress; as opposed to trying to fly like Peter Pan or getting attacked by a chimp as he tried to dress it in human clothes for his daily tea party.
Jul 1, 2009, 22:43
Daley Makes Plans for Gitmo Prisoners, Warns Welcome Wagoneers
Chicago's Mayor for Life, Richard M. Daley, has sent his emissary to Washington DC to lobby President Obama to house the Gitmo prisoners in Chicago. The undisclosed emissary has the Mayor's agreement to grant the 240 prisoners work-release jobs in the new parking meter concession for the city. Mayor Daley has dubbed his latest profit-seeking offering "Git Mo' Chicago". Daley plans (with Obama's help) big things for these offshore prisoners.
Jun 28, 2009, 05:16
Al Qaeda Split Over Obama Overtures
A source in al Qaeda's inner circle tells Al Jazeera that hardliners oppose Osama bin Laden's decision to alter the organization's tactics in response to President Barack Obama's effort to reach out to the Muslim world. "Mahmoud," one of the dissenters, provided Al Jazeera an audio tape containing portions of a recent conversation between Bin Laden and his second-in-command, Aimen Zawaheri, that purportedly took place in Pakistan’s tribal no-go area:
Jun 28, 2009, 01:24
Who/What Got Laid in Argentina, Stays in Argentina
Argentina Airlines, the offical airline of Argentina and points west, has released their new ad campaign and slogan today: "What got laid in Argentina, Stays in Argentina." When asked if this was a rip off of the Las Vegas slogan "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas," Pat McGroin, Argentina Airlines spokesman said, "yes and no. Yes, it is a rip off of that slogan, and no, we are not going to pay them for it."
Jun 27, 2009, 18:02
White House Unhappy Cuba Eavesdropping On US Phone Calls
Washington DC, Today the white house released evidence that the Cuban government has been eavesdropping on American telephone conversations placed both a the Guantanamo Bay naval base in Cuba as well as of domestic phone calls in the southern united states. At a white house news conference today held by president Bush and CIA director Porter J. Goss, the Bush administration showed their evidence of this spying...
Jun 27, 2009, 09:12
Iran Elections: White Beared Nut Job Supports Black Bearded Nut Job ; Everyone Riots
Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the country's leading expert on a book written nearly 2 millennia ago, has given his support to the disputed leader of Iran; Mahmoud Ahmadinjad. The pair have decided to invoke Iran's often used constitution, with regards to disputed results, in fixed elections, namely the; "Government knows best and shut your pie-hole before a crazed, masked government militia member blows your head off" bill.
Jun 25, 2009, 05:39
Chicago 2016 Olympics Bid Rejected, Blago To Rebid
Chicago, IL - A number of IOC International Olympic Committee members are in Chicago for the International Boxing Championships this week and they are being squired about the city in limos and housed in regal splendor at the Ritz Carleton's Four Seasons Hotel on North Michigan Avenue. On Sunday evening, Glossy News gained entrance to the Hospitality suite set up for the IOC members and discovered that there is a big problem with the Chicago 2016 bid.
Jun 25, 2009, 00:03
Israeli PM OKs Palestinian State "As Long As We Can Bomb You for Sport"
The Israeli Prime Minister, Mr Netanyahu, surprised many today. Giving a speech on the future of the Middle East peace process, he stated that he would support a separate Palestinian state. He then no doubt, put many Israeli's minds at ease when he listed a long list of conditions which he knows only to well, no neighbouring peaceful state would agree to, let alone a neighbouring state that they have been at war with on and off of 60 years would agree on.
Jun 24, 2009, 05:56
The Do's and Dont's of Booty-Texting
Thanks to technological advancements, it has now become easier than ever to keep fit and have fun after last call. With basic literacy skills and an economical phone text plan, you can make drunk dialing a thing of the past. Just keep the following in mind when texting your potential prey. -Do begin with a greeting message, such as “Long time no talk...”, or “Hey cutie, how’s it going?”
Jun 20, 2009, 08:27
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