Top Stories
Obama Schools Speech Fiasco Amuses Kids
President Barack Obama has delivered a junior State of the Nation speech to American schoolchildren, broadcast live to classrooms across the entire good ole US of A � from kindergarten age to upper high school grades. However Republican critics claim Mr. Teleprompter is setting out to establish an Orwellian / Big Brother cult of the personality with TV speech � which they consider is a preliminary exercise in the social propaganda brainwashing of adolescent kids for nefarious political ends.
Sep 19, 2009, 14:01
MPs: We're Only Sticking to the Rules We Made Up to Make Us Rich
MPs were today pointing out that they had not broken any of the rules, that they made up, to decide up how much money they could secretly steal from taxpayers. The Prime Minister, John Key, has defended ministers, saying that many people did not realise that ministers were forced into their line of work and that most of them do not even own a holiday house in Hawaii.
Sep 15, 2009, 10:02
NZ Public: Just Let Us Get Shi*faced, Will You?
Binge drinking enthusiasts across New Zealand, were today telling the government to take their newly proposed drinking laws, making it harder for adults to get alcohol and to shove them where the sun doesn't shine. The government is calling for sweeping changes including increases in taxes on alcohol, shortening opening hours and changes to the purchasing age.
Sep 15, 2009, 05:57
NZ Voters Overwhelmingly in Favor of Punching Own Kids in Face; PM Ignores Them
In the past week, New Zealanders have turned out in record numbers, to vote for the right to punch their children in the face. 88% of voters said they wanted to have the choice of giving their children a good ol' smack, if they dared step out of line without having to worry about Johnny law coming to lock them up. As the results came in from the non-binding referendum entitled "Should a punch in the face as part of excellent parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand or are you are you a lefty pinko with no kids?"
Sep 14, 2009, 02:09
Duct Tape to Preserve Political Careers
Washington, D.C. � It was announced today by a Republican Party spokesperson that commencing immediately, rolls of duct tape will be made available, at the entrance to the House and Senate chambers, to those Republican lawmakers who cannot seem to control themselves. �While healthy debate is encouraged in most instances, we find it necessary to impose a form of restraint at point in the juncture on those lawmakers who are so passionate as to dishonor Congress,� said Lucy Lipsingships...
Sep 13, 2009, 18:15
US Offers "Join Afghan War or Be Next" Amnesty
The USA has today said that if New Zealand do not join them in their continued oil blood war in Iraq Afghanistan, New Zealand may have no support if they were to be bombed, especially if it was out of spite by the US. New Zealand has a small involvement in Afghanistan, aiding in the war on terror. The US has signalled the involvement is not enough and the reason should not be to aid in the war on terror, but, to follow the US blindly wherever they go...
Sep 11, 2009, 12:51
Suicide Bomber Sues For Injuries
WASHINGTON D.C.- Known terrorist Ahmed Aafiya Sadeed has filed a law suit against the United States Government, claiming the White House to be an unsafe work environment. The law suit arose after Ahmed Aafiya Sadeed was injured falling off of the White House roof, which he claimed was, �Terribly difficult to climb, especially with bombs all over you. When asked how much he was trying to sue the Federal Government for, Sadeed looked stunned, saying, �You mean I can get more than camels?�
Sep 9, 2009, 07:38
Congress Places Bill of Rights Up for Auction on eBay
Washington, DC (BSNE): Amid much fanfare, Congressional leaders from both parties announced a new series of aggressive raise revenues to off set the skyrocketing Federal Budget Deficit. At the top of the Initiative is to offer the Bill of Rights for sale to interested parties on eBay. Spokesman for the group, Senator Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), said, "In time of economic crisis not seen since the Great Depression, it is...
Sep 9, 2009, 01:10
Cloak of Death Nets $1M at Sotheby's Auction
New York, NY � The New York office of Sotheby�s has disclosed that the original Cloak of Death, worn by Death himself, has been auctioned off for the amazing sum of $1M. The cloak was reportedly put up for auction by the heirs of one of the last surviving members of Hitler�s Third Reich, who wanted nothing to do with the cloak�s dark history. According to stories surrounding the cloak, anyone who comes in contact with it eventually dies.
Sep 7, 2009, 08:49
Failures Force Obama to Look for Scapegoats
National Enquirer - Part II of John Smith�s report of his time on Martha�s Vineyard posing as a landscaper at the Obama Compound. From his hiding place in the bushes outside a screened-in porch where strategy meetings were held, Smith taped the following conversation between Obama and top advisors. session had to do with Obama�s plummeting poll numbers.
Sep 7, 2009, 02:10
Counter Protester Turns To Cannibalism
Kayotic City, CA � Things turned ugly Wednesday night at a gathering of citizens in favor of President Obama�s Health Care Reform Bill, when a counter-protester ran up to one of the march participants and bit off the tip of his finger. The victim, Phil Langes, was rushed to Los Rabies Hospital and Medical Center�s emergency room; however, the finger tip could not be sewn back on due to the fact that the man who bit it off appears to have swallowed it.
Sep 6, 2009, 20:21
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