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Last Updated: Jul 3rd, 2009 - 07:01:03

In the news...

Entertainment

Soulja Boy Yet to Register with Selective Service

ARLINGTON,VA--In an impromptu press conference held outside Arlington Headquarters, Ernest Garcia, Acting Director of the Selective Service, revealed that 19 year-old DeAndre Ramone Way, popularly known as Soulja Boy, has yet to register with the agency.

Jun 30, 2009, 06:14

Is Top Gear's "The Stig" a Secret Tory MP?

To viewers of the Top Gear petrol-head show, he is the androgynous Transformer : part Man / part Cyberdork - whose arteries course with low-cholesterol STD oil additives. But the true substance of “The Stig”, the BBC motoring programme’s reclusive Mystery-Bot racing driver, was revealed yesterday to be somewhat more prosaic.
Jun 26, 2009, 00:37

Laura Bush's New Book: "Pleasures of Masturbation"

Chicago - Laura Bush today announced the publication of her second book entitled The Pleasures of Masturbation. Appearing on the Oprah Winfrey show in Chicago, Mrs. Bush revealed to the audience of mostly women, her latest publication. Mrs. Bush's new book is decidedly geared towards a different market than her previous endeavor. In April of this year Mrs. Bush and her daughter Jenna authored a children's book called ‘Read All About It!"
Jun 22, 2009, 19:53

Celeb Chef Ramsay Says "So F'ing Sorry"

Celebrity foul-mouthed chef Gordon Ramsay, who possesses a Master’s degree in Profanity, apologized following a major Numpty Dumpty row with an Australian TV host because his mother told him “If yer don’t say ‘sorry’ to the stupid dingbat cow I’ll stop yer pocket money an’ I want me trifle and scones recipes back.” The blaspheming TV chef was branded a 'pommie scumbag' by none other than Australia’s chief scumbag himself...
Jun 22, 2009, 03:18

Australia Shocked Gordon Ramsey an Arrogant Wanker

Australia was today reeling from the apparent shock, that celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey, is a completely self-absorbed, foul-mouthed, tosser. Ramsey's TV programmes Hell's Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares are ratings winners in Australia. The basic premise of these shows involve Ramsey swearing at, insulting, putting down and generally degrading anyone within 10 feet of him.
Jun 16, 2009, 08:59

O'Reilly, "I'm not a racist, I'm Close To Many Black People"

New York NY- Responding to critics who claimed his review of famed Harlem restaurant Sylvia’s was racist, Fox TV host Bill O’Reilly told Glossy News "I’m not a racist, mother fucker, I am close to many black people. The recent flap over this is just plain stupid and it is being fueled by the same radical left wing liberal white people that supported that woman Hillary Clinton and that Barack Obama fellow."
Jun 13, 2009, 08:53

Memorial Service for World's Greatest Electric Kazooist Scheduled

Hell no. he won't blow! The legendary Haney Wilkie will finally have his spirit laid to rest in a memorial service this Saturday at the abandoned Mica mine near the family compound in Eastern Alabama. The iconic songwriter and arguably the world’s most prolific electric kazoo player has been missing and presumed dead by most of the known world for the past 37 years.
Jun 12, 2009, 14:05

Art Film Aims To Suck

OLYMPIA, Wa. – Young filmmaker Mark Ziweski recently started production of what he hopes will be yet another piece of pretentious schlock that nobody really cares about. "It should be quite bad," said the beret-wearing Ziweski, stirring some powdered cream into his Fair Trade coffee. "I will bring the people nothing less than the most uninspired thirty minutes ever caught on low quality camera."
Jun 11, 2009, 03:54

Big Brother #10 Lands on TV Like Non-Metaphorical Vomit

Sixteen celebrity wannabee contestants braved the crowds of nasty losers on their way into the fabled Big Brother house at Twatford-on-Sea to kick off the 10th series of the Nausea Channel’s popular reality show. Across the globe, in palaces, mansions, sheds, tents, yurts, huts and igloos more than 5.4 billion - 97.3 % of the world’s total TV audience – were glued to the screen and watched as the wannabes made their entrance.
Jun 10, 2009, 02:29

Kill Bill Star Carradine - er – 'Killed'

The Kill Bill movies and Kung Fu television series icon David Carradine has been found dead in a Bangkok hotel room. Thai police told the International Herald Shitraker the 92-year-old actor was found by a hotel maid this morning, hanging in a wardrobe with a rope around his neck – directly between his trousers and shirts. The US star was in Thailand filming his latest movie ‘Neck Stretch’, according to his personal manager Seymour Fassbender.
Jun 5, 2009, 05:01

Limbaugh and Hannity Form Central Conservative Cigar Party–CCCP

Wayb'lowdabelt, VA —BobZaguy In an exclusive interview with this reporter, both Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity agreed to answer my questions about the dysfunctional Republican party and what became a kick-ass defeat for the McCain/Palin campaign on November 4. Limbaugh and Hannity say they have officially resigned from the GOP ranks and will convene their new political party, the CCCP or Central Conservative Cigar Party.
May 26, 2009, 12:42

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