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Last Updated: Sep 18th, 2009 - 04:24:10

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Tribal Native Denies "Being a Ninja", Secretly Dreams

It was the strangest thing. We were having a runaway, rampant day out, doing our darnedest to span the landscape of the Puerto Rican interestosphere, regardless of the locals' patent refusals to engage us in our media-istic capacities. It was a trouble we'd faced everywhere, but a resistance I hadn't expected to face was that upon meeting a poorly-wigged tribal re-enactor, who obviously looked like a ninja, that he'd say he wasn't a ninja.
Sep 19, 2009, 21:13

Afghan Election Results Officially Recognized as FUBAR

In the southern Afghan poppy-growing region of Shit-or-Bust the tribesmen held one of their time-honoured beardie pow-wow’s by getting together around the campfire just prior to the recent presidential election for a fart-fest and to discuss which candidate they would back. After an opium-fuelled session of barracking each other and playing the traditional Tajik groping game of “Guess who’s under the Burkha” they chose to endorse...
Sep 19, 2009, 01:03

Common Purpose? - Dial 666

There are now legions of people in the UK cognisant that the planned Kaflaesque-Orwellian European Union Superstate - following the manipulated ratification of the Lisbon Treaty - is just a matter of time and not one of ‘what if’ but simply ‘when’. However a Biblical multitude of ordinary decent people are aware that the Masonic-Zionist Illuminati’s New World Order’s Fifth Columnists are actively weakening the UK internally and preparing covertly...
Sep 18, 2009, 01:54

Cops Can't be Trusted with Fines

According to a report just released by the UK’s Manky Magistrates Commission the nation’s Plod Squads cannot be trusted to hand out summary justice and will act as “Prosecutor, Judge and Jury” if given further God-like powers to issue on-the-spot fines for simple civil offences - and more serious crimes such as arson, rape or putting your wheelie bin out too early.
Sep 18, 2009, 00:38

Teachers Stigmatize Pupils Due Birth Names

Shit-for-brains UK teachers with an NVQ1 diploma in Advanced Guesswork claim they can tell which pupils are likely to play up or be the local Anti-Christ incarnate simply by looking at their names - according to a recent government survey. The poll of 3,000 teachers possessing the basic educations skills of being able to write their own name and use an ATM machine - commissioned by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money - found that...
Sep 17, 2009, 17:48

Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown

Bobbie-Joe Muffitch from Twattown, Arkansas, is expecting her 19th new arrival in March next year. The 42-year-old mum and her husband Billy Bob, who run a commercial adoption agency and baby formula franchise, are the stars of their own reality TV show “Billy Bob n Bobbie-Joe Don’t Know Shit About Contraception”.
Sep 17, 2009, 16:15

Brown Makes 30-Minute Stop In Afghanistan

During a surprise visit to Afghanistan yesterday to change his underpants Gordon ‘Culpability’ Brown gave a strong indication that more British troops will be sent to the basket case dump of a nation-sized midden to replace all the broken ones the Taliban have snuffed in recent weeks. Speaking to troops in a bombproof Fuhrerbunker at their Bellend Province fortified base camp Brown claimed he wanted to speed up the training of Afghan soldiers...
Sep 17, 2009, 10:09

UK Teenage Nutters Planned Columbine 2: The Wrath of Kahn

Two teenagers planned to blow up a local shopping mall and strafe their school with gunfire in a massacre timed to coincide with the anniversary of a mass-murder killing spree at a US school, a British court heard today. Ghengis McTwat, 17, and his friend Jacko Scrunt 16, both from the Scumbury Sink or Swim Housing Estate in Greater Smegmadale, denied conspiracy to murder and conspiracy to cause explosions – claiming it was all a bit of boastacious fun that got out of hand.
Sep 14, 2009, 04:30

False Flag Burka Gang Strike Again

A burka-clad man – or woman - was part of a gang of armed raiders being hunted by police after pirate DVDs worth an estimated £100 were stolen from the Smegmadale branch of Cockbuster Video. The group burst into the High Street video rental store during the lunchtime rush hour and threatened staff with a bag of monkey nuts and a cucumber.
Sep 14, 2009, 01:10

Arctic Now Hot Enough to Grow Grapes

Arctic temperatures are now higher than at any time in the last 2,000 years according to a personal report given to Fux News by the dipshit UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon who has just spent the past week wandering around in his underpants and a pair of flip flops north of the 66th parallel to investigate for himself if all this propaganda-driven brouhaha and panic put out by the Al Bore camp and the Carbon Exchange Cap n Trade shysters is founded on truth - or bullshit spewed out from the usual ‘all-for-greater-profits’ anal mechanism.
Sep 13, 2009, 10:38

Police Chief Faces Racist Probe from "Damn Darkies"

According to a report leaked to the Daily Shitraker by an anonymous source inside the Metropolitan Police Authority (Sergeant Candida Muffrot) an independent investigation has begun into claims of racism against Ms. Catherine Crawfish, the 95-year old Gorgonesque chief executive of the MPA. In a damning complaint filed with the Lord Mayor of London’s office the Metropolitan Permanently Sun-Tanned Police Association (MPSTPA)...
Sep 12, 2009, 02:49

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