Health

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Incorporation - Intoxication
Big Sky Country - Skittlebrau
Last Updated: Jul 3rd, 2009 - 06:49:50

In the news...

Health

Greedy Grocer Super-Slim Salads Packed with FAT

The addition of what appears to be a pubic hair to the edge of the bowl makes for a nice compliment as well as a terrible insult.

Pre-packed salads are definitely not the healthier option, with some supermarket lunchtime snackie items higher in calories and fat than a Big Mick Greasy Burger and High-Col’ Toxic Twisty Fries from the local Chew n Spew - according to a report in the current issue of the ‘Heart Attack Gazette’.

Researchers from ‘Slob’ and ‘Couch Spud’ magazines also looked at 20 different salad combinations from the major ‘Eat Healthy’ deli’ counters of the Greedy Grocer and Grotty Grocer –and the prestigious M S (Moronic Spendthrifts) - supermarket chains, finding all contained high levels of MSG and aspartame – precisely what dieticians refer to as ‘carcinogenic crap’.
Jul 3, 2009, 00:48

Voodoo Gangs Target Albino "Medicine Donors"

Trials have started in the Tanzania capital of Dodoma of thirteen people – known colloquially as the ‘Voodoo Dozen’ – who stand accused of murdering scores of albino bambinos and selling their body parts for use in witchcraft and cordon bleu cookery. More than two hundred albinos – both adult and infant - have gone missing and believe killed there in the last nine months.
Jun 19, 2009, 05:58

Big Pharma: Names You Simply Cannot Trust

Yesterday one more in a long line of Big Pharma-controlled corupt FDA advisory panels approved the prescribing of powerful mind-altering chemicals for children. Seroquel, Zyprexa and Goedon have now been approved by this advisory panel of career criminals to be prescribed to children as young as 5 years old : to treat a fictitious disease invented by crooked psychiatrists and given the name "bipolar disorder."
Jun 18, 2009, 02:28

Burnham OKs Nazi-Style Water Fluoridation

Andy Burnham, the UK’s all-new replacement Health Secretary, just appointed by Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown, has called for universal water fluoridation despite global protests over 'mass medication' and concern of links to cancer, bone disease and stifling the human intellect. Burnham was accused of a 'conflict of interest' as he has been a supporter and...
Jun 17, 2009, 00:47

Study Links Loud Mufflers to Penile Inadequacy

You can hear them coming from miles away; motorcycles, trucks and cars with modified exhaust systems customized to rattle the fillings out of your head. Have you ever wondered about the owner? Now new study is shedding some light on this phenomena. Researchers from the University of South Carolina released their results on Wednesday which show a direct relationship between the size of a man's penis to the sounds emanating from his muffler.
Jun 15, 2009, 02:34

Study: OCD, Mania, Tourette's Can Make Life Better

Did anyone solve the BBC’s online news’ question yesterday : whatever happened to the Boy who couldn’t stop Swearing? Simple - he grew up into the Man who couldn’t stop Swearing. Yes, twenty years ago this week chronic Coprolalia sufferer Freddie Foulgob became the face of Tourette’s Syndrome across Britain when a BBC QED documentary about his daily battles with the illness became a national gossip topic.
Jun 13, 2009, 07:26

Murdered Chickens Off the Menu in China

China's health authorities are reported to be putting a stop to restaurants serving chickens that have been bitten to death by poisonous snakes. The dish, known colloquially as ‘Terrified Rooster’ which is served by a small number of restaurants in the traditionally-barbaric southern Squawking and Clucking provinces, is billed as detoxing – for the eater – although quite fatal for the chickens involved.
Jun 11, 2009, 00:54

ADHD Drug Enhances Breast Size – in MEN!

The Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder drug Risperdal used to treat ADHD children is causing grave concern in the United States. Risperdal, manufactured by pharma’ giant Numpty Drug, is supposed to be used primarily for adults with severe psychological problems – such as members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, certified nutters and sectioned headbangers.
Jun 4, 2009, 03:34

KFC's New Halal Albatross Still Ain't Kosher

Household brand name chew n' spew fast food chain KFC is trialing halal and kosher meats in certain restaurants, but some Muslims and Shylocks say it hasn't been killed in the correct Islamic or Jewish manner. So Pox News religious correspondent Fellatia van der Gobble asks when is halal meat not halal meat and what's what in the kosher brochure?
Jun 1, 2009, 00:49

Snail Longevity Surpasses Humans

Natural selection is favouring snails with reduced metabolic rates, researchers at London’s prestigious Rothshite Institute for Wasting Taxpayers Money have discovered. It is the first time that Darwinian evolution has been observed to select for this trait in individuals of any species. Snails with lower metabolisms are at an advantage because they have more energy to spend...
May 21, 2009, 08:13

How to Prevent the Swine Flu Bug

Super Bowl Fever is gone, March Madness is over but April swine flu fever is now spreading throughout the world. This dreadful disease has to be stopped dead in its tracks by at least calling it something else. At a news briefing, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack took pains to repeatedly refer to the flu as the "H1N1 virus."
May 14, 2009, 03:13

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