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Last Updated: Jul 4th, 2009 - 08:23:37

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Employee Bathroom Time Monitored With New Electronic Hand Dryer

Detroit, Mi- While most employees now are aware that their employers can monitor their phone and email communications, many may not be aware of a new trend being seen in companies across the country.

Jul 1, 2009, 04:20

Chinese Chopsticks Recalled

Bejing, China – In a rather difficult scenario, China has recalled all of its recently shipped, disposable wood chopsticks – in excess of 45 billion pairs – the equivalent to about 25 million trees. China's governmental food spokesperson, Chiu Ree, said the problem is centered on the chemical makeup of the lacquer that is applied to the chopsticks in the finishing process. Lead has been discovered in the paint and lacquer by the testing body.
Jun 29, 2009, 04:48

Unemployment Line Surges with Republicans

Washington, DC-- Just a few months after the general elections in which Americans overwhelmingly voted Republicans out of office, lines at unemployment offices around the country have been swelling with unemployed Republican politicians and their administrative workers. Unemployment benefits are suddenly looking attractive to these laid off Republicans.
Jun 21, 2009, 04:20

Christ-Era Expense Scandal Shows UK MPs "Being Traditional"

Ancient Roman accounting tablets suggest public officials were involved in a range of expenses fiddles 2,000 years ago to equal - and surpass - the current MPs House of Conman’s scandals. Writing tablets of wood and hide uncovered near Hadrian's Wall - built across northern England to keep out the Caledonian wild men in skirts - detail hundreds of expenses claimed by Roman officials.
Jun 12, 2009, 19:31

Auto Parts Store Celebrates 1000th Oil Change In Parking Lot

Madison,WI- The Napa auto parts franchise in Madison Wisconsin today celebrated the 1000th oil change completed in its parking lot. According to store manger Glenn Wilson, the fact that the store's customers often change the oil and complete other self service on their automobiles outside in the store parking lot, is a testament to the value and choice that his business offers consumers.
Jun 9, 2009, 01:34

Sarah Palin To Offer Sarah Barracuda Line Of Lipstick

Cleveland, OH. – Alaska Governor and GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin today announced her plan to sell a "Sarah Barracuda" line of lipstick. Gathered at a Cleveland hotel, with John McCain at her side with a glowing smile of school boy with a crush, Mrs. Palin told reporters of her plans to start selling a full line of lip gloss.
Jun 5, 2009, 09:39

Impossible-to-drink-from Container Somehow Nation's Best-Selling Water Bottle

ROCHESTER, NY - Nalge Nunc International Corporation’s Nalgene water bottle, a cylindrical container with an awkwardly rotund body, is the nation’s best-selling water bottle, according to a report released Monday. The horribly designed device, with an opening that wouldn’t comfortably accommodate even the largest human mouth, has somehow topped the US sales charts, outselling its closest competitor by several million units.
Jun 4, 2009, 01:38

Gold-Digger Breaks All-Time Worst Guinness Record

Barbara Thomas Judge, known to all her networking psychotic social set and sycophant arse-lickers as HRH Lady Sludge, was today awarded a top slot in the prestigious Guinness Book of World Records as the global champion holder of over a thousand directorships – including the chairmanship of the UK Atomic Energy Authority - without knowing a single iota about matters nuclear – except she seems to believe the sun shines out of her own arse.
Jun 2, 2009, 10:54

Five Tips to Upgrade Your Resume (The Easy Way)

Need to get that dusty old resume ready for the next big job hunt? In today’s tough economy, writing an effective resume is more important than ever. Here are some great insider tips we collected from 10 top-notch resume writers. Add some spice to your crappy job descriptions. Nobody has to know you couldn’t do better than illegal migrant workers.
May 31, 2009, 21:23

ShamWow Guy Gets Tongue Chopped

Vince Shlomi, better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, was recently arrested in Miami Beach. You will remember him as the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Apparently the crime story of the century has just been leaked out about Shlomi being arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room.
May 27, 2009, 06:30

Kiddie Bankrupts Parents in E-Bay Auction

Three-year-old New Zealand girl Pipi McScrunt is pretty smart on a computer: too smart for her parents, who woke up on Tuesday morning to find she had bought a full-size excavating digger on an auction website for NZ$ 20,000. While Mum and Dad were partaking in a Sunday ‘afternoon delight’ session behind a locked bedroom door at their home...
May 26, 2009, 10:25

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