Biz News
Murdcock’s Brat-Sprog Curses BBC
News Corporation's CEO, the diminutive Jimbo Murdcock, in typical hereditary Aussie whingeing fashion, has preposterously stated – in an all-out case of the kettle calling the frying pan ‘black arse’ - that a dominant BBC threatens independent journalism in the UK – and specifically the survival of the over-stretched and bloated fascist News Corporation Empire.
Sep 8, 2009, 05:54
Taliban Give Thumbs-Up to MoD Budgeting
According to a secret Shitehall report CD copy left on a Bakerloo line tube train and sold on to the Daily Shitraker for thirty pieces of silver, the Ministry of Defence’s systems for buying new equipment are so inefficient they are hampering the military’s ability to conduct attack – or defence - operations. The Shitraker claims the dossier concluded the MoD's acquisition programme was £35 zillion over budget and five years behind schedule...
Sep 1, 2009, 17:52
Wall Street Rejects Short-Term Thinking, Embraces Shorter-Term Thinking
NEW YORK - It was champagne and truffles on Wall Street last Monday as the Dow soared almost two whole points during a five minute period between 9:12 and 9:17 AM, EST. Market analysts assert that the extraordinary surge marks the end of the recent epoch-long depression, and signals a new era of extreme shorter-term thinking in American capitalism. "We are confident that these amazing 293 seconds signal...
Aug 31, 2009, 04:36
UK Home Repossessions Ease – Que?
The number of homes repossessed in the UK fell 12:83% in the second quarter of 2009 compared with the previous three months, according to propaganda being spread by traditional High Street banksters and building society lenders - since most folks have been evicted and no longer enjoy the comfort and false security of four walls around them and a bit of a roof over their heads.
Aug 29, 2009, 03:53
Wal-Mart Trims Payroll: Replaces Employees For 2nd Time
Bentonville, Arkansas-Wal-Mart Corporation today announced a series of cost-cutting moves designed to decrease expenses and improve corporate profits. In this latest initiative, Wal-Mart executives announced a plan to replace over 4,500 current employees with lower-paid newcomers. Only two years ago, these soon to be laid off workers were themselves hired to replace previous employees with “high salaries.”
Aug 27, 2009, 02:18
Pizza Vendors Find Profit in Cartoon Piracy
I love pizza and commercially licensed, protected cartoon characters as much as the next guy, but when it comes to full-price pizza sold at a cost equal to the piracy of the very same cartoon characters who lured me over in the first place, I've got a beef, and it ain't that mystery meat sprinkled liberally between the melted mozzarella. I've been to China, so I know all about the unlicensed use of trademark characters to promote a business that neither pays nor deserves such credibility.
Aug 26, 2009, 06:39
Britain Keeps Tidy – Ships Shit to Brazil
Two dodgy British companies are being investigated following the discovery of millions of tonnes of hazardous waste shipped from the UK and discarded indiscriminately around Brazilian ports. Worldwide Shit-Dumpers and UK Brit-Crap Recycling, which coincidently share the same dodgy directors and are based in Scumbury, were named by Brazil’s environment inspectorate, MERDA, as suspected of being involved in the illegal shipment of toxic hospital waste, plus assorted industrial and commercial crap, to the country.
Aug 24, 2009, 12:07
Microsoft Announces Merger With McDonald's, Christianity
In what is being hailed as the end of the free world, Microsoft, McDonald's, and Christianity have joined forces to form a single $300 billion/1.9 billion adherent corporate-religious entity known as McRosoftianity. The resulting mega-church/corporation is projected to manage virtually every aspect of the global economy and culture in just a few short months. "We are absolutely thrilled because together we can control the world in ways that any one of us could have only dreamed of," said Bill Gates...
Aug 23, 2009, 03:01
Yellow Post-it Notes Key To Rise Through The Ranks
Cincinnati, OH. - Interviewed in her office today at a large consumer goods company, employee Amy Fisher contributed her use of yellow sticky notes to her rise through the corporate ranks. Amy confirmed that her English degree from college has been useful in her career but it was not until she adopted a wide spread use of yellow sticky notes, that her career really took off. Amy's first started using sticky notes to write down phone numbers of friends when they called her at work and then noticed that her boss at the time, seemed really impressed by these.
Aug 21, 2009, 01:55
Taking Orders from Afar: Drive-Thru Out-Sourced
Oakbrook, Illinois. A Glossy News investigation recently learned that several of the nations top fast food providers, have outsourced their drive through order takers to help centers based in India. While a spokesperson from Oakbrook Illinois based McDonalds would not confirm or deny that this business practice is true, they did concur that the current level of service and communication skills required for that position is presently not very demanding and that the company has been considering this option for some time.
Aug 19, 2009, 01:48
Barbie Resigns From Mattel
Malibu Beach, CA . After the Mattel toy recalls on August 14 and September 5, 2007, Mattel's CEO Robert Eckert announced in an online video that a number of Barbie's houses, condos and various furniture and accessories had been tainted with lead paint and were unusable. He recommended that everyone who had any of these items return them for a refund.
Aug 17, 2009, 08:45
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