In a surprising move this week officials working to reelect president select George W. Bush launched a full TV, radio and newspaper campaign to garner votes for Ralph Nader.
"Don't listen to that horsey-lookin' fella John Kerry. If you've already decided to vote against me, remember that you do have a choice; vote Nader this November and let your voice be heard." says Bush in the televised commercials.
Kerry campaign leaders are infuriated over this move saying "Even those dumb green bastards knew a vote for Nader is a vote for Bush. He has no right to try to split the non-Bush vote like this."
Bush -- whose campaign expenditures now exceeds all past presidential campaigns combined plus the deficit -- insists the move is in the interest of fairness. Opponents insist "All [Bush] knows of fair is hay rides and log rolling." A spokesman for Bush would not comment on this allegation though Bush himself overheard and eagerly concurred.
In the last three months the Bush campaign has spent roughly three times the money believed to exist in the world on his reelection. The effect is not suprising, polls have him earning almost 30% of the vote which, thanks to Nader, should be sufficient to earn him a second term and end the world as we know it.
While Bush himself insists that supporting Nader is "inoculate," his advisors insist he means "innocuous." Regardless, his victory is nearly assured and the end of time is near. Campaign officials suggest to "Vote Bush" and "Repent, for the judgment day is at hand."
