"I know, it's like I'm just making stuff up and you people are plain giving it to me," titters young Bush.
President George W. Bush has long been infamous for wild cowboy antics and for being the man he is. His latest list of demands, however outlandish, comes as no surprise to critics, pundits, supporters, not even his own embarrassed parents.
Bush formally requested $25Billion for the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan over and above the nearly depleted $87 billion granted just last year. "Don't worry about it," said Mr. Bush "it'll probably last through the fall." Adding, "It's all against the deficit anyhow. It's not like it's real money."
More insane than the blank checks requested for middle eastern adventures (which no one doubts he'll get) is the reassertion of the need for a moonbase. No one is sure what purpose a moonbase would serve aside from facilitating a largely pointless manned mission to Mars. It is believed the moonbase would function as a weekend getaway for Bush, Cheney, and other Plutocrats.
NASA is less than thrilled about the proposal. "He doesn't support funding for the space station because he says it's not cool enough and now he wants to redirect research from Boeing and Honeywell to Haliburton," says Jim Foder at NASA. "We'll never make it [to the Moon] with those guys skimming off the top 90% [of funds]."
The most unbelievable of the requests set forward by the Lone Deranger is his self-proclaimed need to be re-selected for a second term of presidency. A spokesman for the re-election campaign asserted that "you have to stop saying 'selected.' He was elected, got it? Go check out our website if you don't believe it. It's right there in black and white." Of all of his hostile demands this one is no less likely to become reality. Critics are said to be organizing a mass detection to Canada in an elaborate series of tunnels.
One senator speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "We don't negotiate with terrorists so I'd like to say we're going to shoot down his demands but, he's not trying to negotiate he's just steamrolling us through it." Glossy News is committed to protecting her anonymity, and as the one female senator from Rhode Island, her identity is secure.
In an unrelated story, Haliburton has announced hostile takeover of Entercom, Viacom and Fisher Communications, the parent companies of 92% of English language news. Takeover is being performed over the next three days using cash, stock, and 1400 Marines.
