It's not every day Glossy News has a chance to chat with up-and/or-coming directors, though it may be about once a week. We finagled a rare opportunity to rap with Ryan Foss, director of the critically acclaimed Bullets Over Breakfast, produced by Quantum Petshop.
Having watched Bullets Over Breakfast, I have to ask; are you obsessed with toaster waffles?
Obsessed with waffles, hell no. I don’t like waffles, especially toaster heated waffles. I hate syrup too. This film is obviously a twisted version of those breakfast commercials. You know the ones, where the kids won’t eat the cereal so they get their friend/little brother/adopted brat to eat it first. We just added a gunfight.
Would you personally consider killing someone for breakfast, especially bearing in mind the plausible defense of low blood-sugar?
Maybe if breakfast was a nice juicy bacon cheeseburger I’d kill. My defense wouldn’t be lame though. I’d plead temporary loss of humanity because I turned into a hungry tiger. Yep, possessed by hungry animal spirits, can’t beat that one in court.
How many hundreds of hours of training did it require to keep the actors from flinching during the thousand-odd rounds fired in the film?
Funny you should mention that, because the guns aren’t real. In fact, they aren’t even there, they’re digital. We originally filmed the whole short with walkie-talkies but then decided it would make more sense if they were guns, so we changed them in post [production]. Works better this way.
So um, your damage deposit, el screwed-o or what?
You try explaining this to the insurance company.
How many people have you personally killed?
Oh, ha. Um…. [Consults lawyer]… None! I mean no “body” if you know what I mean.
How about stabbed, how many of those?
Before or after they were dead. Huh?… [Consults lawyer]… None!
What is "gun control", by your definition.
"Gun Control" is the ability to avoid shooting yourself, your friends, or vital parts of your transportation while two sheets to the wind in the middle of farm country. Drinking games are the best. If you miss, chug a beer. Bullseye, chug a beer. Can’t loose. Unless Charlie gets shot again then that dampens the mood. Gotta wait at the hospital while he’s getting stitches or brain surgery or whatever. That puts a real curb on the whole fun ride.
Your 11-minute feature has 90 minutes of bonus footage. How much bonus material will you include on your feature length films?
Feature length films, [explitive]. You must think I’ve got skills or something, cuz I don’t see any feature length films on my calendar. But if I do, I intend to have the “theatrical release”, the “director’s cut” and the “re-release” versions on DVD so I can milk my audience for every dime. Each one will have the same extra features, but modified just enough to be considered different. My favorite will be the mind numbing and boring camcorder shots of me and my crew enjoying lemonade and leaning against walls. Oh, and 15 minute credit sequences, I love those. Course, you could just be looking at it wrong. The DVD is 90 minutes of bonus footage with an 11 minute short.
Can I expect any of the many deceased characters to reprise their roles in the sequel?
Where can we possibly take a gunfight over a breakfast waffle that we haven’t already successfully done in the original? It’s pretty hard to top the best thing ever, so we have no plans for a sequel. But maybe a number of prequels to explain why I’m showering, why Bill’s sleeping, and why Brandon’s shoe is untied. We think there is a lot of opportunity for prequels. We need to sell some more DVDs first.
Why guns instead of knives, nun chucks, bull whips, scurvy, nails guns, spanking machines or the greatest killer of all; second hand smoke?
Any idiot can look cool with a knife, ax, nun-chucks, or whips & chains and nail guns are cliché now, pass it on. I wouldn’t risk breaking my spanking machine either. Second hand smoke is a good idea though, I’m going to have to remember that. Do you want a writing credit for that? But to answer your question: we used guns because we had them. It’s really amazing that the best short film ever, Bullets over Breakfast, came about because three losers with a camera and some fake guns decided to put the two together over breakfast.
You've undoubtedly grossed tens of dozens of dollars off your film, how have your squandered your newfound riches?
I’d love to be in the black on this, but I’m not. Filmmaking for me is a love it and lose it hobby. You love to make it and undoubtedly you’ll lose money doing it. I really don’t get it either because Bullets over Breakfast is the best thing ever. The only way it could be better were if God himself directed it, but then it would probably have essential things like a plot or a moral or something. Oh, and maybe better dialogue.
Ever punched a nun?
Not twice.
What's your next project?
Now this is no joke, its called Breakfast Time. Though it's not action oriented. It really has everything and nothing to do with breakfast. It’s part two of our “Breakfast Trilogy”, which I actually hope can be four short films, but don’t tell my crew. There is just something funny about calling four of something a trilogy in my mind. Doublespeak and all that.
Can I have a writing credit on that one without actually doing anything?
Will your name draw in crowds? Who cares? Hell, if our next project is a big pile of shit, we’d love to use your name. My people will contact your people.
I don't have people, but I'll get some and tell your people all about them. I can't wait to have people contacting people. God save you Ryan Foss, for what you've done to film making at the very least.
