back to Glossy News front page


 In the news...   Top Stories   Biz News   Entertainment   Horoscopes   KidZone   Health   Sports   Technnologizzy   Community 
Gates Goes Ballistic, Issues Korea "Final Warning"
By Rusty
Jun 7, 2009, 02:50
Email This Article
 Printer friendly page

The presentation, presented for some reason on a Mac, was equal parts dull, needlessly long and spine tinglingly terrifying.
The US "will not accept" a nuclear-armed North Korea, Defence Secretary Robert Goats has told an Asian summit – even though Nor’ Kor’ has no choice but to accept a nuclear-armed belligerent bully boy US poking it’s nose into Korean peninsula affairs yet again.

Goats, a former balloon inflator, said the United States would "not stand idly by as North Korea builds the capability to wreak nuclear destruction on any target in the region like we did to Japan in 1945".

A top Chinese milittary official attending the meeting, General Hey Fuk Yew, called on all parties involved to get their heads from up their collective arses and talk fucking sense for a change.

US spy satellites have reportedly, according to unsubstantiated rumours and coffee shop gossip, observed activity in the North that could possibly indicate plans for fresh deployments of their kimchi warhead-equipped long range missiles.

Speaking at the Asian summit in sterile Singapore, Defence Secretary Goats made it clear the US would take an extremely dim view of more nuclear or missile testing by North Korea and request further UN Security Council sanctions to halt the supply of new-release DVD movies for the Dear Great leader Kim Mah Jong’s bugeoning collection – especially ‘Terminator – Salvation’ as it might give the Nor’ Kor’s big ideas.

However, he did agree with his Chinese contemporary that the biggest military threat North Korea presented right now was to itself.

The Pentagon chief also argued for bolstering diplomatic relations with China, and cited common challenges facing regional Asian powers: counter-terrorism, piracy, energy security and disaster relief – all caused by the US Zionist NWO engineered black operations and HAARP induced weather warfare technology.

Goats further commented to journalists “The truth of the matter is if they continue on the path they are on, I think the consequences for stability in the region are significant."

"Just look at all the fucking shit we’ve caused in Afghanistan and Iraq over the past few years due those out-of-control dummies Dubya and Cheney.”

He insisted “The next step in negating Pyongyang's ambitions will be political, not military – maybe.
Let the CIA throw a few billion dollars at destabilising the government from inside – just like we’re doing in Iran.”

“Maybe rig up a bio-attack on their cabbage harvest and cause a kimchi famine. Now that’s a dead cert’ to shut the country down and cause a revolution.”

Rusty appears courtesy of The Satire Stall.




get your satire published
Chemicals, telecomm, bio-engineering, security services, world domination and more... yes, I said world domination
Google
Web Glossy News


Latest Headlines in
Top Stories

Obama Schools Speech Fiasco Amuses Kids

MPs: We're Only Sticking to the Rules We Made Up to Make Us Rich

NZ Public: Just Let Us Get Shi*faced, Will You?

NZ Voters Overwhelmingly in Favor of Punching Own Kids in Face; PM Ignores Them

Duct Tape to Preserve Political Careers

>> More Stories

-- Link to us --

Glossy News

Glossy News

-- Sponsors --
Amazing Photo Essays
Drunkage.com - The Drunk Dial Site
StrangleCorp - Barely Evil as Haliburton
Random Generator Humor
Heatherwood Apartments
Christopher Walken
Puerto Rico Travel
Montana With Kids
Mental Dimensions
Speaking Boricua
US Daily Mirror
Parenting Humor
Detective Bacon
About Shanghai
Redtractor-USA
Biting Satire
Side Effects
Pimp Central
Space Opera
AOL Support
Mr. Satire
The Lean
Your ad here as low as $10/month

BBest BBook Evar - Design by ThePublicityFirm.com
  GlossyNews.com: front | us | submit your satire story! | links | advertise reprints/syndication
  Get our LiveFeed  
Copyright © 2002 - 2008 GlossyNews.com, All Rights Reserved.

Web hosting service is sponsored by 2Globalmart.com, a cheap web hosting service providing affordable internet related services