Knowledge of the Bible is declining among people in the UK according to academics from the National Tubthumpers Literacy Survey who found that young people believe the Good Book is a pile of old-fashioned tat and all about fantasy characters like God and the Devil and blokes getting crucified for giving the Romans shit.
More than 144,000 people from faith and non-faith backgrounds were surveyed, with fewer than 5% able to name half of the Ten Commandments and 3% believing they were part of the new Highway Code.
Seven out of ten believed the Bible was a forged Jewish propaganda treatise, similar to the Protocols of Zion, which falsely established their right to kick some hapless peasant Arab ass, seize their Palestinian homeland and rename it Israel.
Nevertheless the study revealed many homes still retained a Bible amongst their worldly chattels – though normally one pilfered from a holiday hotel bedside table and not a family heirloom.
When asked their main uses for the Holy Book, meaning to imply as a source of spiritual guidance or comfort in times of bereavement and loss, the two main answers were ‘killing wasps’ and ‘proppin’ up the sofa after one of the legs fell off’.
The study revealed that 62% of respondents confused Jonah and the Whale with Moby Dick, and 60% could not name anything about the story of the Good Samaritan apart from the fact they were thought to be a group you could call on the telephone for advice on assisted suicides.
35% thought St. John the Divine was a Pikey car boot vendor, and Revelations was a pop group – just like Genesis – with the Book of Psalms considered to be a do-it-yourself guide to growing indoor tropical plants.
One respondent though David and Goliath were Gay Pride March organisers while another thought Daniel - who survived being thrown into the lions' den - was the Lion King.
A group of semi-academic chavs, several of whom could actually read, argued between themselves as to the Bible being written by “Jesus – or some Jewish twat called Moses”.
One bright spark, although not the sharpest pebble on the beach, ventured that the Commandments had something to do with God giving Moses two tablets - for his bad back.
Conversely, in this age of moral decline where one has to ‘Sin to Win’, what else can we expect.
While the Israeli government since 14th May 1948, and Western governments since 9/11/2001, have broken every commandment in the Bible in pursuit of achieving their own greedy selfish ends – including the sacred 11th – Thou Shall Not Get Found Out - why should the common sheeple even bother to pay lip service to a code of moral laws that their own national ruling authorities ignore and break with continued impunity – citing the threadbare mantra of Manifest Destiny and saving the Third World heathen types from themselves.
