back to Glossy News front page


 In the news...   Top Stories   Biz News   Entertainment   Horoscopes   KidZone   Health   Sports   Technnologizzy   Community 
Teleprompter President to End Nuclear Threat
By Rusty
Apr 14, 2009, 09:24
Email This Article
 Printer friendly page

The new Kenyan President of the US, Barack O’Barmy, has outlined his vision of a world free of nuclear weapons, and other high cholesterol threats such as dolly mixtures, kimchi, fermented shrimp paste, depleted wasabi and chilli sauce, in a major speech to a troop of Asbo hoodies doing forced community service duty, packing carrier bags, at the UK’s prestigious Greedy Grocer supermarket.

The US president called for a global summit on nuclear security and the forging of new partnerships to prevent the spread of nuclear weapons to irresponsible nations (the US) who might drop them on another nation (Japan) to see how much damage they do.

He said he hoped to negotiate a new treaty to end the production of fissile materials for nuclear weapons, apart from in Israel, who didn’t have any nuclear weapons anyway – and Kenya , who needed them to stave off aggression and expansionism threats from neighbouring Somalia.

Although his nuclear goals might have as much chance of success as shoving butter up the arse of a Fuck-billed twatypus with a red hot knitting needle he maintained he would strive to achieve them and enforce the principles of the Symington Amendment, passed in 1976, which bars assistance to countries developing technology for nuclear weapons proliferation.

Mr O’Barmy told the physics correspondent from the Wheelbarrow Pushers Gazette that as long as Iran continued to pose a potential nuclear threat to the known Universe, the United States of Israel would continue to work on a controversial missile defence shield, parts of which would be stationed in neighbouring Poland and the Czech Republic.

The President ducked journalist’s questions as to why he assessed Poland or the Czech Republic as being potential targets for Iranian nuclear aggression.

Speaking to a 20,000-strong crowd of lager-swilling hoodies in the Greedy Grocer car park Mr O’Barmy said the US had a moral responsibility to act in ridding the world of nuclear weapons as it had been the first – and only known – combatant nation to use them against another country during a conflict – and the only known nation to test a nuke against its own troops as per the 1944 Port Chicago massacre.

He said his administration would work to bring the (CTBT)Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty into force in order to achieve a global ban on nuclear testing.
The agreement would ban all nuclear explosions for any purpose, but cannot currently come into effect as nuclear powers such as the US and China have not ratified it, and India and Pakistan have not signed it, with Israel saying they only have very small nukes – if any.

Further, he doubted the rabid mad dog Israelis or their Rothshite New World Order Zionist hi-fiver agents would comply with such a call to halt using micro-nukes for kick-starting their Problem-Reaction-Solution false flag operations around the globe as they were so effective in expediting top to bottom demolitions of World Trade Centre buildings, toasting Aussie tourists in Bali, and creating mega-potholes in Mumbai hotel car parks.

But while the tactics of the Israeli Kelev Shoteh political lobby agents around the world plumb the depths of dishonour and indecency and include character – and real - assassinations, selective misquotation, the willful distortion of the record, the fabrication of falsehoods, and an utter disregard for the truth – them what the hell is the odd micro-nuke going off when the Zionist New World Order might be at stake.

Rusty appears courtesy of The Satire Stall.




get your satire published
Chemicals, telecomm, bio-engineering, security services, world domination and more... yes, I said world domination
Google
Web Glossy News


Latest Headlines in
Top Stories

Obama Schools Speech Fiasco Amuses Kids

MPs: We're Only Sticking to the Rules We Made Up to Make Us Rich

NZ Public: Just Let Us Get Shi*faced, Will You?

NZ Voters Overwhelmingly in Favor of Punching Own Kids in Face; PM Ignores Them

Duct Tape to Preserve Political Careers

>> More Stories

-- Link to us --

Glossy News

Glossy News

-- Sponsors --
Amazing Photo Essays
Drunkage.com - The Drunk Dial Site
StrangleCorp - Barely Evil as Haliburton
Random Generator Humor
Heatherwood Apartments
Christopher Walken
Puerto Rico Travel
Montana With Kids
Mental Dimensions
Speaking Boricua
US Daily Mirror
Parenting Humor
Detective Bacon
About Shanghai
Redtractor-USA
Biting Satire
Side Effects
Pimp Central
Space Opera
AOL Support
Mr. Satire
The Lean
Your ad here as low as $10/month

BBest BBook Evar - Design by ThePublicityFirm.com
  GlossyNews.com: front | us | submit your satire story! | links | advertise reprints/syndication
  Get our LiveFeed  
Copyright © 2002 - 2008 GlossyNews.com, All Rights Reserved.

Web hosting service is sponsored by 2Globalmart.com, a cheap web hosting service providing affordable internet related services