There are so many good places for kids with diversity and world perspective to get the help they need. What about dumb rednecks?
If you've ever dry-humped your Jeep after driving it into a 4'-deep mudhole, government grants are waiting!
"We got no money, no hope, all we got is some hate for people who ain't us. That's got to count for something." Spokesman Jimmy Just Jimmy told us the tale of how his foundation came about. It all stemmed from a drunken argument at a poker game, not unlike the conception of all their children.
"One night we was playing poker and getting mad about people who ain't us that get nice things just because they's all smart and open-minded-like. This ad comes on the tele-vision saying how grant money is available for anything. So here we is!"
Lacking the $19.95 necessary to purchase the material advertised they set out to do it on their own.
A woman accompanying Jimmy, who refused to identify herself and could only be known as "The One Wearing the I'm with Stupid T-shirt" added, "our kids need schoolin' and don't give me that whole 'good grades' thing neither. Some kids ain't cut out for that"
With Stupid went on to explain that her son has learned to be self-sufficient by making moonshine and winning tractor-pull trophy money, despite not knowing any of his potential fathers, nor the alphabet.
Grant administrators in Washington responded, saying, "We'll gladly review their request once it is submitted in writing." Glossy News asked if they would be given serious consideration, to which an administrator responded, "They can't write. They're just a dumb pack of hicks, they're never going to submit anything. God, what paper did you say you're from?"
"Who's the faggoty-ass newpaper reporter lookin' at?" Exclusive GLOSSY photo of bona-fide bigot menage-a-trois. The young woman referred to the man on the left as "Pee-Wee", and the man on right as "Daddy".
