LAS VEGAS, Nv. – The final chapter in GlossyNews editor Brian K. White’s lost weekend was completed Tuesday when the missing satirist returned to Las Vegas in a tense slow-speed car chase with area police. The editor was last seen arguing with his newlywed bride atop Hoover Dam on Sunday, and many feared he may have leapt to his demise while under extreme duress.
White spent a lazy afternoon of sightseeing one of America's man-made wonders, Lake Mead. Excursions twice daily; charters available.
While visitors and dam personnel were distracted by a disturbance caused by White’s bride in the visitor’s center, White indeed did jump…into the tranquil waters of Lake Mead. He swam to a passing tour boat, the ‘Desert Princess Too’, and climbed aboard undetected. Clad only in a beach towel, he then joined the passengers on the promenade deck for sightseeing and afternoon cocktails. White reportedly borrowed some clothing from one of the crew, explaining that he “left his clothes at the dock…he thought this was a snorkeling cruise,” according to the crewmember.
At 5pm the Desert Princess Too docked at Boulder Beach, where White hurried off the boat and into a waiting white Ford Bronco, which immediately left the marina. A Nevada State Police cruiser parked nearby noticed White as he dove into the Bronco.
“We followed the Bronco out to Rt. 165 and attempted to pull the vehicle over,” said trooper Bill Jenner. “The passenger fit the description of a man reported missing. We ran the license plate number and were told the Bronco belonged to entertainer Wayne Newton, a longtime friend of White. When they hit the Interstate, it was pretty clear they weren’t going to stop.
What followed was a bizarre 45-mph chase of Newton’s Bronco involving multiple police cars, as well as numerous police and local news helicopters. Police closest to the Bronco reported seeing “someone jumping around inside the vehicle, looking very upset.” It was later learned that what the officer saw was merely one of Newton’s kangaroo’s, which he raises on his nearby ranch.
Arial photgraph of White in Wayne Newton's Ford Bronco. The kangaroo was reportedly "very distraught, not making much sense."
Detective Tony Lange of the Nevada State Police contacted White via Wayne Newton’s cell phone, in an attempt to end the slow-speed chase:
LANGE: Brian K. White, are you there?
B.K.: Just let me get to my hotel room.
LANGE: We’re gonna do that. Just throw out the gun.
B.K.: Huh? What gun? Who is this?
LANGE: Just throw it out the window. Please. You’re scaring everybody. B.K., you there?
B.K.: What? I don’t have a gun. Wayne, do you have a gun? (unintelligible) Nope, Wayne doesn’t have one. (pause, unintelligible) Neither does the kangaroo.
LANGE: Please, you want me to beg? Please, B.K., just throw it out the window.
B.K.: Jesus, stop begging. Here. (throws autographed 8”x10” glossy of Newton out window)
LANGE: Now stop the Bronco.
B.K.: (unintelligible) Wayne says piss-off. All I want is to be with Mistress Morgan.
LANGE: You don’t need to be with her.
B.K.: You’re right. She’s a total bitch. Look, Wayne says we’re wasting his minutes, and the kangaroo is freaking out. I gotta go. (hangs up)
Many people walk away from Las Vegas empty-handed. For one satire editor, a cherished document and a pocketful of memories are more than he hoped for.
The slow-speed chase ended just before 8pm in front of Caesar’s Palace, where a large crowd had gathered for the 9pm show by singing impressionist “The Great Baldini.”
Police held a brief discussion with White and the kangaroo and then released them, saying “What are we gonna do, arrest him for endangering the welfare of a wallaby? He just wants to go home.”
After a night at Caesar's and a short stop at the “E-Z DIVORCE DEPOT”, the editor headed for the airport and a flight back to Seattle.
“I had a wonderful time,” White told an airport ticket agent. “This is my kind of town.”
