Butch Jansen's photo will not be released, pending outcome of an investigation into his alledged teenie-weenie.
Butch Jansen, senior and feared class bully at Hedgewood High School, lost all status Friday when a ninth-grader saw his "thinger" in the gym locker room.
The freshman, who wishes to remain anonymous "just in case," stated, "I asked him if the showers were cold, and he looked like he was gonna hit me." He then added, "I had no idea one could be that small. I mean, I've seen my little brother's, but come on, he's four!"
Friends of Butch were reticent when questioned. Said one, "Butch who?" Another, who was reportedly best friends with Jansen at the time of the discovery, added, "I don't even know that guy, man."
Harold Shinmeier, known at Hedgewood High for his dandruff and Yu-Gi-Oh! card collection, states, "That's just pathetic, man."
Members of the cheerleading squad act with understanding and support of Butch's wee-wittle-willie.
Butch was not available for comment, and has not appeared in school since the incident.
In light of this, an independent committee of researchers has expressed interest in examining the physiology of other school bullies. The team, many of whom admit to having been picked on themselves, say that they look forward to determining whether there is a tendency between penis size and aggression "with great enthusiasm."
"If we can get weiner size into a student's permanent record, it'd go a long way in reducing the chances of tough-guys acting like dicks. Might be a nice touch in the class yearbook, too. 'Varsity Football, Advanced Metal Shop, 4-1/2" wanker'. Guys in the Glee Club would love it...they're hung like rhinos."
