Due to public demand, Kentucky Fried Chicken (now forced to call themselves "KFC" because chicken is no longer on the menu) has agreed to discontinue use of any animal meats, such as chicken, skunk, mice, ferrets, and zebra, and simply call it "Kentucky Fried Bones".
Finger-lickin' good! A young KFC employee mixes up a batch of "The Colonel's Special Rat Marinade & Instant Meat Remover".
Just how can a fast food chain survive selling dead animal bones? Alabama KFC owner Jim Dale explains.
"Well, there's MEAT on 'dem bones, ya know? By law, we only have to call them "bones"- we don't need to get into details as to what animal got slaughtered for the bone or whether it was a human bone, chicken bone, cat bone or whatever."
Reuben Stancard, former President of KFC, left the operation in 2001 due to its poor business and sanitary practices.
"I've seen the workers at the Washington plant", Stancard explains. "Those guys would throw everyything in their paths into the thrasher, and whatever went through there was tomorrow's chicken nugget."
Punk Christina Aguilera, punk chicken...it's all good eatin'.
When Jim Dale was asked why they just don't just use chicken as an entree at Kentucky Fried Chicken, he replied, "Sure, in a perfect world we could sell you chicken. But this is 2003, bucko. PETA don't piss and moan about roadkill - hell, they were already dead, so we're just helpin' keep the environment clean, not to mention providin' some deep-fried nutrition. C'mon in and get yourself a bucket o' bones!"
