The American Legion in Berrien Springs has had strange items on their menu, but none so strange as when Club Committee Chairman Gary Rader decided to add "Plump-N-Tasty Twelve-Inchers". Ex Mayor and Manager of the Legion, Marian Kiljoy, expressed grave concerns over the morality of having such hefty meat on the Legion's menu.
"It's not that I've never had a plump piece of meat in my mouth before," Kiljoy explained, "I just think these sort of things should be eaten at home."
Rader disagrees. "No one needs 12 inches of meat down her throat more than Marian Kiljoy," he says. "Maybe if her mouth is full, she won't bitch so much." Infuriating Kiljoy even further, Radar went on to insist the weiners be free to any and all desiring customers, regardless of gender.
Kiljoy also was worried over the legality of giving them away for free. "The State of Michigan constitution clearly states that all weiners must be paid for by those wishing to take them in their mouths. If I was still running this place I promise you ever weiner would have a price tag on it." When asked if the price tag would also be edible, Ms. Kiljoy stormed off in anger.
"I'm not against the eating of weiners," insisted Kiljoy. "I'm just against the eating of weiners for free. It jeaopardizes not only our license, but also our dignity. Every time I've had meat in my mouth, there's been money exchanged, I promise you. Why should you be any different?"
Uh, wait a minute, Honey...lemme put a little mayo on the weiner for you. Here, hold this."
Despite Kiljoy's objections to them, free weiners, or "Sausage Fest" is going quite well at the Legion.
"I love it," said Stu Rosebush, who's wife loves weiners. "Usually I have to beg to get some meat her mouth. And then she usually chokes." His wife Dianne, mouth chock full of meat, was unable to comment. But she did smile and swallow.
