More than just a candy coating, Placebonol goes down as easy as pie.
Pharmaceutical giant Naildge Amama this week was awarded FDA clearance to roll out its newest prescription wonder, Placebonol. This breakthrough drug boasts over a 30% cure rate across the board. The drug may be taken preventatively twice a day as a precaution against cancer, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, bowel irregularity, male pattern baldness and weeping genital sores, just to name a few. Further, the FDA acknowledged that absolutely no drug is more affective at treating all psychosomatic illnesses.
"The beauty is this, when you get sick you take something specially designed to cure it, and you have a 30-80% recovery rate. When you take Placebonol you don't even have to know what you are treating or how many ailments you are treating, you can simply know that it's working." Says Archie "Slick" Birmingham, marketing coordinator for the product.
Trial doctor reports, "We have been slyly using this as the test drug for all of our clinical trials for the last 35 years. The results speak for themselves." In many case studies where this test drug was administered it had comparable if not higher success rates than the drug in trial." The active ingredient, Inerticose, may sound very active, but don't worry, it's not."
Executives say the drug will retail for around $38 per day and has the lowest cost per cure rate of any drug on the market. Sources close to the situation tell that the executives have already begun living obscenely lavish lifestyles, including champagne enema's and the senseless defacing of antique art.
"This drug is going to take some faith on the part of the consumers. Without that, it's not going to go anywhere. Trust us that it is in fact doing at least something. This is the best medicine ever," added Slick, "I think I'm going to start taking it for my gout!" When asked if in fact laughter was actually the best medicine he replied "Don't know, but we're going to be doing that all the way to the bank, so I'll get back to you."
Side affects may include tooth decay and excitability in children. Not recommended for those suffering from diabetes.
