McTrashed: This happy group gets to see a Happy Meal a second time.
Fast food customers across America rejoiced recently as McDonald's released the newest item in their diverse menu selection. The new drink, "The McForty" malt liquor, has been added to the standard array of soft drinks and shakes.
"The addition was clear," explained Frank Robertson from McDonald's public relations, "We've always offered malted shakes, why not malt liquor?"
Fast food experts are divided on their opinion of the McForty. Expert Jim McGillis states: "This is a great day for fast food patrons everywhere. Not only can a customer get cheap, low quality food, they can also get cheap, low quality alcohol. I can't think of a better complement to an artery-clogging Double Quarter-Pounder with Cheese than a refreshing, brain-numbing malt liquor."
Health authority Kelly Killington disagrees: "There's no place in McDonald's for alcohol. Not even in the Play Place. Malt liquor being sold alongside Happy Meals for children is an outrage! It's bad enough that the food is unhealthy; now they're offering a very dangerous beverage. Where will it stop?"
Got Malt? Pour a McForty Super-Size down the little rugrat's throat and lock 'em in the funhouse.
Obviously, McDonalds' spokesman Jerry Kinler sides with McGillis. "Today is an important step forward for our corporation. Used to be a customer could forget his problems by gourging on our fat-ladden beef patties, sugar-coated fries and a refreshing soft drink. Temporarily plesing, but the buzz only lasted a few miutes. The cylce continued, people got fat, we got blamed."
"Now we give them the option of avoiding reality for hours at a time, without the stigma of hanging out with total losers in a grungy bar. All for a low price, especially if they super-size."
Not surprisingly, Burger King plans to counter with their own hard drink, the "Burger King Crown Royale" scotch stinger.
Looking to move ahead of the curve, Jack-in-The-Box restaurants will introduce "Crack-in-The-Box" meals next month, which have already proved best-sellers in Amsterdam.
