back to Glossy News front page


 In the news...   Top Stories   Biz News   Entertainment   Horoscopes   KidZone   Health   Sports   Technnologizzy   Community 
McDonald's Introduces 'McForty' Malt Liquor
By Pete Flynn
Jun 27, 2003, 07:33
. ()
 Printer friendly page

McTrashed: happy group gets to see a Happy Meal a second time.
Fast food customers across America rejoiced recently as McDonald's released the newest item in their diverse menu selection. The new drink, "The McForty" malt liquor, has been added to the standard array of soft drinks and shakes.

"The addition was clear," explained Frank Robertson from McDonald's public relations, "We've always offered malted shakes, why not malt liquor?"

Fast food experts are divided on their opinion of the McForty. Expert Jim McGillis states: " is a great day for fast food patrons everywhere. Not only can a customer get cheap, low quality food, they can also get cheap, low quality alcohol. I can't think of a better complement to an artery-clogging Double Quarter-Pounder with Cheese than a refreshing, brain-numbing malt liquor."

Health authority Kelly Killington disagrees: "There's no place in McDonald's for alcohol. Not even in the Play Place. Malt liquor being sold alongside Happy Meals for children is an outrage! It's bad enough that the food is unhealthy; now they're offering a very dangerous beverage. Where will it stop?"

Got Malt? Pour a McForty Super-Size down the little rugrat's throat and lock 'em in the funhouse.
Obviously, McDonalds' spokesman Jerry Kinler sides with McGillis. "Today is an important step forward for our corporation. Used to be a customer could forget his problems by gourging on our fat-ladden beef patties, sugar-coated fries and a refreshing soft drink. Temporarily plesing, but the buzz only lasted a few miutes. The cylce continued, people got fat, we got blamed."

"Now we give them the option of avoiding reality for hours at a time, without the stigma of hanging out with total losers in a grungy bar. All for a low price, especially if they super-size."

Not surprisingly, Burger King plans to counter with their own hard drink, the "Burger King Crown Royale" scotch stinger.

Looking to move ahead of the curve, Jack-in-The-Box restaurants will introduce "Crack-in-The-Box" meals next month, which have already proved best-sellers in Amsterdam.




get your satire published
Chemicals, telecomm, bio-engineering, security services, world domination and more... yes, I said world domination
Google
Web Glossy News


Latest Headlines in
Biz News

Murdcock’s Brat-Sprog Curses BBC

Taliban Give Thumbs-Up to MoD Budgeting

Wall Street Rejects Short-Term Thinking, Embraces Shorter-Term Thinking

UK Home Repossessions Ease – Que?

Wal-Mart Trims Payroll: Replaces Employees For 2nd Time

>> More Stories

-- Link to us --

Glossy News

Glossy News

-- Sponsors --
Amazing Photo Essays
Drunkage.com - The Drunk Dial Site
StrangleCorp - Barely Evil as Haliburton
Random Generator Humor
Heatherwood Apartments
Christopher Walken
Puerto Rico Travel
Montana With Kids
Mental Dimensions
Speaking Boricua
US Daily Mirror
Parenting Humor
Detective Bacon
About Shanghai
Redtractor-USA
Biting Satire
Side Effects
Pimp Central
Space Opera
AOL Support
Mr. Satire
The Lean
Your ad here as low as $10/month

BBest BBook Evar - Design by ThePublicityFirm.com
  GlossyNews.com: front | us | submit your satire story! | links | advertise reprints/syndication
  Get our LiveFeed  
Copyright © 2002 - 2008 GlossyNews.com, All Rights Reserved.

Web hosting service is sponsored by 2Globalmart.com, a cheap web hosting service providing affordable internet related services