Not too many red-blooded males have the balls to admit it, but after the Hoover vacuum cleaner was invented, masturbatory behavior was up nearly 58%.
"Nothing Sucks like a Hoover". Finally, an industry secret revealed.
Unlike having "dueling bedspring" contests with your brother who shared your room and your Playboys when you were younger, the Hoover was simply the best pleasurable sexual experience a boy could have- next to the "real thing".
However, if the "real thing" was next to them, they sure as hell wouldn't be sticking their Johnson in a Hoover. Pardon me if that analogy was a bit too "Presidential", but I'm sure even Hoover and Johnson spanked their executive monkeys in the White House.
But all good things have their downfalls, and the Hoover had one major problem: testicular pummeling. It sucked that much!
Nowadays, what with the internet throbbing, thriving and glistening, teenage boys can find whatever sexual pleasure they want - for free. And since America Online came aboard, Hoover vacuum cleaner sales went down, down, down.
Leave your Hoover in the hands of a professional. These factory-trained technicians are available for support, in-home training and first-aid.
Putting two and two together (which by my estimation makes "four"), testicle operations via emergency admissions to hospitals went down an amazing 11% since 1992. While the Hoover is still king of the clean household, it's obviously not used as a masturbatory device like it was in the 1950's.
While the statistics would indicate that sexually curious boys may be more careful, what they don't show is the number of accidental severe burns to male genitalia is up by 23%.
The sexual images, imagery, and broadband-based pornography has made the sexually-curious little tikes attempt to have intercourse with their computer screens. The exploding monitors and fires that ensued were the result of their "little lawyers" Johnson and Johnson, insisiting you could poke a hole through the glass.
