President Bush is aware of very few things, but the need to increase existing world oil supply is among them. "If the problem in the world is that there ain't enough oil, well the solution is quite simple. We need us some more oil," tells Bush.
"Hey, wait a minute....if ever'body thought about a light bulb, we'd have TONS of light!"
Top advisors admit it is rare for Bush to think a plan through more than a couple steps. All the same, the President claims to have a thorough plan which none of his advisors is willing to take credit for.
The President has asked Congress to earmark $6.4 Billion for the design and construction of a laboratory in which to clone extinct dinosaurs, much as in Jurassic Park. He has further asked for an additional $14 Billion for an oversized time machine. As Bush put it, "build us some fine dinosaurs, zip 'em back in time, plant 'em in good 'ol Texas, and WHAMO! More oil."
It is largely believed, though not proven conclusively, that fossilized dinosaur remains transform over many million years to form crude oil. Animal rights activists are hesitant to speak out against the plan of mass burial for extinct creatures conceived in test tubes, citing, "significant doubt the plan will ever get that far," according to PETA.
"I've been doubted for my recognitive abilities," said Bush. "But the critics are silent now." Well, not entirely silent. Associated Press political and tech reporters are no longer saying things like, "what a dumb ass," and "he's such a clown he even wears floppy shoes." They have now shifted to comments such as, "This plan requires no comment", "pure ungenius", and even "Wow. That's all I can say is wow."
Although the plan requires leaps in technology believed by some* to be impossible at any price, a special report was requested from Henry Kissinger earlier this morning regarding the feasibility. The full report, jotted on bar napkins and delivered around noon offers little more than, "Sure, why not?"
Harkin will open a preliminary lab next month. The Bush daughters are expected to Christen the building. They are further expected to drink from the smashed Champagne bottles, this time, however, it will be legal.
* Some, in this instance, is defined as 90% of those surveyed who were awake, alive, and did not appear to have their head in any part of their rectal cavity.
