Social scientists asked to analyze this patriotic sign were split over whether it was more disturbing that "America" was misspelled, or that "Number One" was put in quotation marks, as if to acknowledge the inherent irony.
With North Korea's leader Kim Jong-il looking crazier by the second, America was rubbing it's hands together with glee at the prospect of fighting a conventional war, as opposed to wandering round the desert, waiting for some insane bearded type with a shit-load of dynamite strapped to him, to jump out at them.
North Korea yesterday warned it would act in "self defence" by blasting anything that came within 1000 miles of its borders with a nuclear missile. South Korea which shares a border was said to be "shitting ourselves." In defiance of the UN and any sane country, North Korea followed up the threat by launching another short range nuclear missile.
Asked whether the US would be prepared to fight if war broke out between South Korea and North Korea, current Secretary of State Hillary Clinton replied, "The shorter answer is yes" she then continued "and the long answer is holy fucking shit yes, just try and stop us nuking those commie bastards!"
General George Smith of the US Army said: "I'm really looking forward to this, I mean the problem with the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and Vietnam is that the other side didn't play by the rules. I mean it was hardly fair, look at the US army's troop numbers , funding and amount of weaponry. Anybody with a bit of common sense could see that we should win. I mean the Vietnamese didn't even have one gun per person, the only way they could've won was by cheating!"
To the USA's defence current General Smith said that it was not America's fault as they had not been in a "proper" war since the Korean War nearly 60 years ago and all the wars since "should not be counted" as guerrilla warfare and/or counterinsurgency is "blatantly a load of shit."
America has proved to be a hugely inferior combatant when it comes to fighting guerrilla or counterinsurgent style wars, having lost each major one they have been involved in. General Smith agreed with this: "Look at Desert Storm, the first war in Iraq, that was a conventional war, no problem, over in 5 minutes, we were back in time for dinner! Contrast that with the counterinsurgent nonsense of Operation Iraqi Freedom, still going after 6 years with no sign of victory."
With the Korean War II imminent, we asked General Smith if there was anything America had learnt from the first Korean War, he said: "Well, hopefully we'll bloody well win this one, I mean we didn't lose the first one but a ceasefire is hardly a win now is it. And don't get me started on Afghanistan, I mean if the Russians couldn't take the Afghans in the eighties I don't know why we thought we could do it, in fact, looking back, maybe we shouldn't have backed the Afghans then. Oh well, hindsight's 20/20."
Chinese fishing boats were yesterday pulling out of the area which is in the height of crabbing season. It is not clear if they were directed by North Korea to leave or if it was because of the massive fuck off nuclear warhead pointed at them.
Meanwhile a poll of the American people showed that despite an economy in tatters 75% were in favour of blowing the North Korea to kingdom come. Sharon Sharonsin, a n overweight and under-informed housewife from Montgomery, Alabama said: "Well, shit, we've got to win a war at some point and the more we enter the greater the chance surely." When asked where next America should illegally invade she said: "Oh, somewhere easy, with plenty of oil and sunshine, anywhere will do."
