OGVILLE, WI – Stuffy Taco Bell franchisee Herbert Dalham, 66, consistently refuses to relay new corporate product offerings to Ogville residents, sources reported Friday.
Although the fast food giant’s national advertising campaigns reach Ogville through Milwaukee network television affiliates, the community’s 8,000 residents all know that they must drive 50 miles to one of two Jessup’s Landing locations to sample revolutionary taco variations such as “Fresco Style” selections and the “Enchirito” Burrito/Enchilada hybrid.
Ogville teens have expressed disappointment with Dalham’s practices to the local weekly newspaper on numerous occasions, leading to wide publicity for the grumpy old fart over the past two years.
“Would you believe I’m 16 and have never tasted a Chalupa?” local teen Erin Stansbury, who reported her grievances to The Ogville Trumpet, told reporters in a press conference. “I just pretend we don’t have a Taco Bell at all.”
Some notable actions taken by Dalham since the opening of his franchise in 1990:
• Refused to expand his menu beyond the basic, non-premium offerings such as the “Taco.”
• Used plain white Styrofoam soda cups until the corporation forced him to use branded paper cups during an audit in 1999.
• Furnished dining room with squeeze bottles of hot sauce to avoid purchasing branded sauce packets.
• Failed to update logo – currently displays the red, green, yellow, and purple logo phased out in the 1990s.
• Did not hang promotional posters featuring the talking Chihuahua when the campaign was introduced in 1997.
• During the “Head for the Border” campaign, posted a banner that read “Americans Even Do Tacos Better.”
Due to franchise regulations, Dalham was forced to adopt certain conformities, such as the display of the words “Taco Bell” on his backlit menu and identifying his restaurant as a Taco Bell in the local yellow pages.
Dalham told reporters that those Ogville residents who “make a stir” needed to pay attention to the fine print at the bottom of their TV screens during Taco Bell commercials that reads “Participating Locations Only.”
“The point is that we will spend more money at Taco Bell if they offer the food we want and see on TV,” said Stansbury.
However, Dalham insisted that his customer base would not go anywhere, despite the fact that he will never offer the MexiMelt or the Fiesta Taco Salad.
Stansbury and a group of Ogville residents plan to petition the Taco Bell Corporation to force Dalham to sell the delicious Mexican treats listed on the company’s website in 2006, after the American Idol season is over.
