Maybe more accurate than the James Bond reality, but still a mile from sexy even on a drunk day.
Young men are refusing to join the CIA in record numbers due in large part to the fact that status as an agent is no longer "sexy", so the agency has responded in typical misguided US governmental fashion with a viral video of "Langley Lovelies". Pinups include illegal and unauthorized shots of the likes of Valerie Plame, Sarah Palin, and of courses, that blonde chick with glasses from all the spy movies.
After numerous books and articles have questioned the CIA's institutional competence and criticized it for possibly illegal practices like extraordinary rendition, the CIA is finding that its ability to recruit young men is decreasing. High ranking CIA administrators theorize that this is because the image of incompetence is turning off young men who join the CIA to impress young women.
One high ranking CIA administrator said, "Look, most of your MIT or University of Michigan graduates have a number any number of educational or job possibilities that they can pursue, some extremely lucrative. I wish I could say that they join the CIA for patriotic reasons, but few do. And they certainly don't do it for financial reasons. They join because they want to be thought of as an American James Bond. And Bond gets laid. An American Clouseau doesn't."
He continued, "I mean, the linguistics make it clear. "Incompetence" is damn close to impotent. In a bottom line society like ours, if you cannot get the job done, you're not getting it up. You could say that we couldn't get it up in Iraq." He continued, "I guess you could say that we had Iraqtile dysfunction. And we're really starting to droop in Afghanistan."
To combat this, the CIA has created a glossy viral video of young women explaining their sexual attraction to CIA case agents. One young woman says frankly that extraordinary rendition gets her "hot." Another young woman says that she would love to "have her intelligence cherry-picked." Interestingly, the faces of these young women are all blackened out.
The "Langley Lovelies" videos has attracted an astonishing amount of interest on internet video sites such as YouTube.
However, there has been criticism. Some Agency insiders worry that if the CIA uses case agents in the Langley Lovelies videos, it may compromise national security. "I don't think its worth compromising a case officer working on how to stop Iran from going nuclear by having her publicly saying that she would get down on her knees for the next Harvard stud to join the Agency. You know, Al-Qaeda watches YouTube too."
However, Agency officials insist that they are using civilian women, and some privately concede that they have entered have entered into an agreement to use young women who have previously appeared in the "Girls Gone Wild" video series. Agency officials declined comment on whether the producer of the series is a CIA asset.
Some former CIA personnel think that the CIA is worried about nothing. Former president George H.W. Bush, himself a former CIA director, recently discussed the matter. "Being a CIA officer did wonders for my self-esteem. I always felt very sexy. I still do." Mr. Bush acknowledged that he still remained puzzled why he did not capture a majority of the women's vote when he ran against former President Bill Clinton in 1992.
