Another personal tragedy for America's most talented, uh...most viewed piece of ass.
Irate divorce attorneys have convinced a judge to annul the annulment of Britney Spears’ quickie Saturday marriage in Las Vegas. “Marriage is a sacred bond”, said divorce lawyer Snidely Flick, “It should be broken only if preceded by years of bitterness and acrimony. For people to go through a major life change without the benefit of high-priced counsel is shocking and irresponsible. “
Divorce lawyers are already seeing a sharp drop in clients as unhappy newlyweds realize they can nix their marriage if they just fill out the correct paperwork.
“Some of my colleagues have lowered their rates to a rock bottom $500 per hour,” said Flick, “But they’re still losing business. There's nothing more tragic than an attorney missing a payment on his Porsche or the condo in Aspen. How many tears must be shed before we put a stop to this?” As a sign of solidarity, attorneys are boycotting Spears’ music and reducing the time they spend online searching for topless Britney photos to no more than 16 hours a week.
I don't know about you people, but I am definitely spending more time in Vegas...AND keping a case of vodka in my room.
Experts estimate that over 80% of couples who marry are either inebriated, emotionally unstable, or just desperate for Pottery Barn dinnerware. “Britney’s made annulment cool,” said 19 year-old recently married Amber Calliope as she waited at the VowsBeGone kiosk in the Mall of Las Vegas.
Spears has not commented on her now on-again marriage to sad sack Jason Alexander, who she affectionately refers to as “the loser who got me wasted and ruined my life.” Flick says he is happy to assist Spears if she wants a standard divorce.
“It’s agonizing and expensive,” says Flick, “but ultimately worth it for all concerned.”
