In an interview with the Washington Post today, Vice President Joe Biden took credit for resolving the USS Bainbridge-Somali pirate standoff last April.
"When we heard what was goin' down, I said, 'Boss, lemme go out there and take charge. Those guys are just working-class, blue collar pirates. I know howta get down 'n dirty with people like that if I hafta.' So the Big O says, 'Go for it, Joe.'"
Twelve hours later, Mr. Biden said, he was aboard the Bainbridge and had assumed temporary command of the ship. "I parleyed with the pirates in Somali, which I speak fluently. They musta been hopped up. Wouldn't listen. Finally, I decided to move on 'em."
Mr. Biden said he nixed a proposal to have a SEAL dive team surface near the boat, climb in, and overwhelm the pirates. "No waterboarding, I said. Not in this administration." Instead, the Vice President assigned sniper teams to the ship's fantail, spotting for one of them.
"Soon's my boys took 'em down, I dove in, grabbed our hostage, and got 'im back to the ship in twelve foot seas. Don't make me out like a hero, now. Just doin' my job."
