American troops Thursday penetrated the southern cities in Iraq bearing only weapons by their sides and weapons between their legs, as war began in Baghdad. This after bombs were dropped Wednesday night onto Saddam Hussein’s presidential palace from cruise ships manned entirely by naked crews.

Iraqi intelligence has called America’s aggression in this conflict ‘naked’ and unnecessary. The Pentagon has denounced this claim, insisting that US soldiers are donning a new flesh colored camouflage uniform. When pressed about several soldiers’ complaints about sand in their asses, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld finally broke down and said, “Okay, okay, they’re naked, all right? You got a problem with our war strategy, take it up with the Commander in Chief.” It’s reported that naked British troops haven’t had a problem with the sand, probably because they’re so proper their ass checks cling together.

President Bush, armed himself with support from most Americans, insists that he came up with the naked idea all by himself while watching an episode of Are You Hot? When asked if being naked in the sandstorms of Iraq adequately protects our troops from potential biological and chemical weapons, Bush only smirked and said, “We have chemical weapons of our own.” In a related story, the army has issued refried beans and cabbage as its standardized source of nutrition since the start of the war.

Thousands of Iraqis have surrendered to the allied naked troops since last Thursday. Iraqi intelligence claims their troops weren’t surrendering at all, but were just trying to get a better look at American genitalia.

The few, the proud, the Marines interviewed by the Urinal Era before the fighting began expressed little concern over the lack of security the new dress code offers. “I can’t wait to feel the heat of the sun on my buttocks when I go and kick some Iraqi ass,” said one.

“If they stare at my tits, I’ll put a bullet between their eyes,” said Colonel Ann Johnson as she and her infantry demonstrated the new look for a reporter.

America’s new look also serves a strategic purpose, as it’s hoped when hostile Iraqi forces see America’s naked aggression approaching, they’ll be so distracted by the prospect of nudity they’ll suffer a series of important misfires which will allow the Coalition to move their way to Baghdad. Also, since learning that nudity is so prevalent on the battlefield, France has decided to join the war effort.

Although Attorney General John Ashcroft morally opposed to America’s naked aggression, he has agreed to keep his criticism private on the condition that the American soldiers’ nudity is draped when they come home.